As the Miami Heat barrel their way towards the only thing that matters—the playoffs, or more specifically that annoying formality before the ring presentation—we Heat fans could not possibly have more to rejoice about—except maybe when they make it official.
There is, however, something seriously afoot in LeWadia... people still think they're doing something wrong! For reasons that go beyond the limits of rational human thought, many people (writers included!) still haven't figured out that rooting against Miami—nay, speaking a single critical word about everybody's favourite opportunists—is an activity reserved for the irretrievably insane.
People who disagree with you on the unimpeachable awesomeness that is LeBron are little more than psychologically repulsive gnats that cannot be allowed to speak ill of him and leave with their intelligence, values or (preferably) their masculinity untarnished.
While some of us may be charitable enough to humour these "people" with an actual discussion, the following guide is for those of us who justifiably don't have the patience to match wits with our haters—but who make up for it with misplaced aggression.