NHL: Nobody Said it Was Easy

But no one ever said tanking would be this hard to deal with, either.

I hate numbers. I like bullet points, but I really hate numbers. Especially the random ones below*, owned by our beloved, but defensively challenged, Toronto Maple Leafs:

• 164 - Only the Atlanta Thrashers have allowed more goals (167). But we've got a game in hand. Fuck.
• 3.48 - Teams that allow more than three goals a game are garbage. Period.
• .533 - The Leafs' winning percentage when they score first. Twenty-seventh best (I'm trying to trick myself into being optimistic) in the NHL.
• .393 - When the Leafs outshoot their opponent, they win only 39 percent of the time. Dead last in the league. And pathetic.
• six - One goal game victories. Tied for last in the league. Suddenly, it feels like the Andrew Raycroft era all over again.
• 13 - Losses by a margin of three goals or more. Suddenly, it feels like the Andrew Raycroft era all over again. But, hey, at least we're first in something. I guess.
• 28.4 - Shots allowed by the Leafs per game. Actually, it's the sixth-best total in the league. It's a real shame the goaltending is ECHL-quality.
• 101 - Goals allowed five-on-five. 29th best. Want to know how good the Bruins are? They've allowed only 65.
• 32 - Goals bagged by the Leafs in the first period. Twenty-eighth best!
• 55 - Goals allowed in the first period. Worst in the league. It's a pleasure to see that Ron Wilson has his boys ready to play from the opening faceoff every night. Well done, coach.
• 59 - Goals allowed in the second period. Worst in the league. Even worse than the opening 20 minutes. Jesus.
• 73 - Goals allowed on home ice. 28th best. Anyone else seeing a trend here?
• 87 - Goals against on the road. 28th best. At least we're consistent.
• 23 - Power play goals allowed at home, and on the road. Like I said, this team is nothing if not consistent. Consistently garbage.
• -10 - Tomas Kaberle's plus/minus rating this season. He's never been worse than  -8. In his career. Sadness.
• .444 - Toronto's league-worst save percentage in the shootout. Shocking, I know.
• 3.30 - Vesa Toskala's horrid goals against average. Slow start my ass.
• .885 - Toskala's slutty save percentage. Close your legs. Please. I hate you right now, Vesa.
• 73.7 percent - My favorite, the penalty kill success rate. I just threw up in my mouth.

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