After this week, we only have one more IMPACT until Lockdown. Lockdown is on April 15, for all of you who don't know. I don't see how you wouldn't know because it's always mentioned on IMPACT, it's on their website, it's mentioned on Twitter, it's on commercials—it's basically everywhere TNA-related.
Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin, Motorcity Machine Guns, finally returned after missing one year of action as a team! Yes, the Guns are back!
Anyway, let's get started.
- Did anyone happen to notice if "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero was at ringside during Hogan's address? That guy has been missing just as long as Abyss and nobody seems to have noticed.
- Looks like the feud between Crimson and Morgan will end at Lockdown. Who wants to guess where both guys go from there?
- Bobby Roode can do whatever he wants since he's World Champion and has private security. Just curious; how come Roode didn't hire Murphy, Rocco or Sal as security?
- Hogan books Anderson in the main event against Roode for tonight. Anderson jumps in the ring and he and Hogan manage to botch a handshake. Smooth, real smooth.
- Hogan also books Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Hardy to kick off IMPACT. Why wait 'til Lockdown, right?
On a scale from 1-10, how'd you like IMPACT?
- Angle and Hardy work a good, back-and-forth match. Angle busts his head open on the guard rail, giving him another reason to hate Jeff Hardy.
1.) Jeff has hair. Most important one of 'em all.
2.) Jeff wears make-up.
3.) Jeff wears socks on his arms.
4.) Kurt's son looks up to Hardy.
5.) Kurt's son dyes his hair, wears make-up and wears socks on his arms.
6.) Jeff Hardy ruined Victory Road 2011. Angle was on the poster for Victory Road that year.
7.) Jeff Hardy is a cry-baby.
8.) Lastly, Hardy caused Kurt Angle to bleed tonight.
- Wow. When you list all the reasons, you see Kurt really hates Hardy.
- Kurt Angle figured getting counted out would be the cool thing to do. Maybe add another reason to hate Hardy to the list. Number nine: Jeff Hardy gives up on a fight and doesn't pursue Angle as he walks away.
- Not only did Sting give Hulkamania his General Manager powers but, also the ability to be a jumper. How else did Hogan reach the entrance ramp so fast?
- Hulk Hogan books Angle vs. Hardy for Lockdown. Quick! Everyone act surprised! Should be an awesome match, though.
- While making the match for Lockdown, Hogan botched Angle's catchphrase. He said, "It's true. It's really true". First a handshake now a catchphrase? C'mon, Hogan!
- "Nature Boy" is looking stylin' and profilin' with the two Hall of Fame rings.
- Bully Ray somehow knows when he's trending worldwide on Twitter despite not having a Twitter account in the first place.
- Apparently, Bully Ray eats chicken wings bigger than Austin Aries. Looks like Bully Ray isn't on that diet Johnny Devine forced him and Devon to go on. Ah, good old Team 3D.
- Bully Ray power bombed the hell out of Austin Aries. That was awesome...this whole feud is awesome!
- Looks like Joseph Parks isn't on the Team 3D diet, either.
- No, Joseph. Your brother, Abyss is NOT underneath those food trays. God, Abyss is harder to find than Waldo.
- Like I mentioned earlier, The Pope has been missing just as long as Abyss has. Find 'em both, Joe!
- At least someone recognizes AJ Styles as one of the best wrestlers in the world! Thank you, Storm! AJ has been sitting back just waiting for anything...
- Despite being a former Knockouts Champion, ODB isn't in Championship Challenge. Um, okay...
- When was the last time Winter got TV time before tonight? That's possibly the hardest question you'll come across on these quick thoughts. And that's a hard question, too.
- Here's another trivia question; When was Velvet's last pay-per-view match? Was it Turning Point when she lost the title in the first place? Whatever, she's going to Lockdown!
- Eric Young had an insane bachelor party! There was three of his friends and some fantasy baseball. Until, ODB showed up. She brought some beer, tossed everyone a cigar and kicked everyone but EY out. Party over?
- Eric Young and ODB are one of the most entertaining couples...I can't wait for their wedding next week.
- James Storm and AJ Styles put on the MotN. Hands down, no questions asked. Total Nonstop Awesomeness with them in the ring together.
- With that said, Storm super kicked the hell out of AJ! AJ better check to see if all of his teeth are still intact after that one. Great match.
- Storm's two country music singers were in his locker room after the match. They want to party! (They're just sad that EY's bachelor party is over). Storm goes to hit the showers and Roode came in. Real athletes drink water, not beer. He spits in their face! Cool.
- "I'm a real athlete. I drink water, not beer". Bobby Boucher would be proud.
- During the Motorcity Machine Guns return match, Taz talks about moving to California and living next door to Justin Bieber. What in the hell was that guy talking about?
- Sabin was injured for a year because of Anarquia in the first place...just saying.
- The Guns, in their first match in over a year, look better than Mexican America. They haven't missed a beat.
- Hulk Hogan makes Team Bischoff vs. Bischoff for the Lethal Lockdown. 'Bout damn time we got Lethal Lockdown news! Anyway, losing Bischoff quits TNA forever. This is the one time a double DQ or count-out is welcome in my book.
- A best of three series between the two teams is announced. Winner of the series gets a man advantage in the Lethal Lockdown. I love Lethal Lockdown...
- Bobby Roode shattered a beer bottle over Mr. Anderson's head to win. Hogan came out and reversed the decision. Damn you, Hogan!
- IMPACT was great tonight. Three big matches being Angle/Hardy, Storm/AJ and Roode/Anderson. It was also great seeing the Motorcity Machine Guns return and getting some news about Lockdown.
'Til next time, Keyboard Cat, send us out with a bang.