WrestleMania 28: Predicting the Results of Every Match

Mike Shannon@@DLman91Featured ColumnistMarch 30, 2012

WrestleMania 28: Predicting the Results of Every Match

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    Sunday marks the 28th edition of the most successful show in wrestling history:  WrestleMania. 

    There are at least three matches scheduled for the card that could easily headline a pay-per-view at any other time of the year, but this is WrestleMania, where a four-hour show and mulitple main events are expected.

    Will Chris Jericho end CM Punk's reign as WWE champion?

    Can Triple H do the unthinkable and actually end the Undertaker's streak, sending him into retirement?

    Will John Cena be able to win the crowd in Miami and finally shut up The Rock?

    I have my ideas.

Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos vs. Beth Phoenix and Eve Torres

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    Well, might as well get this one out of the way early...

    The very definition of a "bathroom match", this women's contest just serves to get WWE some mainstream exposure for having Maria Menounos get carried through a "match."

    WWE figures they'll get some highlights on ABC and that's good enough for them.

    As for a prediction, I could not care less who wins this match.

    Winners: Kelly Kelly & The D-List Celebrity

Team Teddy vs. Team Johnny

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    This storyline has had a very gimmicky build-up so far, with tons of overbooking and run-ins designed to get any heat on this match at all.

    Unfortunately, the "captains" of each team are career jobbers David Otunga and Santino Marella, not exactly main-event caliber talents.

    Throw in Drew McIntyre, Great Khali, a semi-retired Booker T and a beat-up Mark Henry and you have a recipe for an overbooked, comedy match.

    Don't expect much from this elimination bout but you can bet that everyone will hit their finishers (yes, even the worst of all-time: The Cobra) and it will be fast-paced. 

    Hopefully, Team Teddy doesn't win, simply because Johnny Ace is really starting to grow on me as a heel character but that seems to be the direction WWE is heading.

    Winners: Team Teddy

Randy Orton vs. Kane

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    I really don't know what everyone sees in Randy Orton.

    I must be in the minority, but Orton just absolutely bores the crap out of me in the ring.  His big spots are overexposed, his promo skills are average at best, and I can't remember the last time I thought he had a great match.

    Adding to that, this match was basically thrown together because neither guy had anything better to do. 

    I mean, come on. Kane is still upset about a match between the two from a year ago?  That's quite a long time to be harboring a grudge.

    Kane has essentially reached the end of his usefulness as a worker and Orton has never impressed me much, but it's still WrestleMania, so they'll put forth a good effort. 

    Orton will get the win here and Kane will be shunted down to the mid-card once again until they decide to repackage him into an unstoppable monster (like they do every year).

    Winner: Randy Orton

Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show

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    Seriously, has Cody Rhodes even defended the Intercontinental title since winning the thing? 

    Why should I care about a title that is never defended and no one seems to remember even exists?

    Rhodes has been getting the advantage on TV for weeks now, humiliating the Big Show with his less-than-stellar WrestleMania moments and beating him up while wearing boxing gloves.

    Rhodes was actually hitting his stride as a heel for awhile but seems to have stalled in this Big Show feud.  Show is a pretty much a slug in the ring, so Rhodes is going to have to bring his working boots to get a decent match out of the big guy.

    Even so, I can guarantee that Rhodes is going to do the job.

    Winner: Big Show

Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus

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    Royal Rumble winner Sheamus looks to become world heavyweight champion when he takes on the always-entertaining Daniel Bryan at the biggest show of the year.

    Sheamus seems to be the guy they want to carry SmackDown, ever since his unlikely resurgence as a babyface following a monster heel run against John Cena. 

    However, Daniel Bryan has been awesome in his role as the heel champion, hiding behind his girlfriend AJ (a la Randy Savage) and showing a great snarky attitude that has crowds hating his guts. 

    This predicition is more wishful thinking than anything.

    Winner: Daniel Bryan

CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho

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    In a match that has the potential to steal the show, Chris Jericho challenges CM Punk for the WWE title in a contest that both guys have wanted for awhile.

    Jericho has proven in the past that he can bring it in a big-match situation, and CM Punk was the main focus of one of the best matches of the past 10 years at last year's Money in the Bank.

    Jericho and Punk are both great workers who will put on a great match. 

    The only question is: who will come out on top?

    Punk has been champion for a long while and Jericho as world champion would be the perfect opportunity for him to be as arrogant as ever.  However, Punk is wildly popular as the titleholder and could be lined up for another feud with John Cena in the near future.

    This time, I'm going with the heel.

    Winner: Chris Jericho

The Undertaker vs. Triple H (Hell in a Cell)

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    So Triple H, you're challenging the Undertaker at WrestleMania again?  I bet that will work out for you.

    I don't think anyone here honestly believes that Triple H is going to end the streak this Sunday. 

    We have heard Hunter in the past say that he wants "The Streak" to go on forever, so it seems highly unlikely that he would be the one to end it.

    You know what? 

    I bet there's that little, tiny piece of you that thinks "it's possible he could lose" and that's what makes this match great.

    Two years ago, everyone knew that Shawn Michaels was retiring but I know I was not alone when I was marking out like crazy during HBK-Taker II and thinking that maybe, just maybe, Shawn would be the one to end Taker's greatest accomplishment.

    Hell in a Cell guarantees that this is going to be a wild match full of weapons, dangerous spots, and—gasp—blood! 

    Even though these two guys are past their primes as in-ring competitors, Taker has been amazing at WrestleMania the past few years and Triple H can still go with the best of them.

    I'm predicting an awesome match for the semi-main event and "The Streak" lives on.

    Winner: The Undertaker

The Rock vs. John Cena

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    The Rock vs. John Cena:  A year in the making and hotly anticipated by most people who call themselves wrestling fans.

    Cena has been the voice of the "new generation" of WWE fans for the past six years. 

    The Rock represents the over-20 male demographic who feel that WWE has gone too "kiddie" and has forgotten about the fantastic Attitude Era that brought the then-WWF back into the mainstream.

    Miami, Fla. is the Rock's hometown, so I'm expecting about a 75-25 split in the crowd's loyalty during the match.  I don't think we're going to approach WrestleMania X-8's Hogan-Rock levels of crowd heat here, but I bet it's not too far off.

    The bottom line is that one of two things are going to happen:

    1.  John Cena pins the Rock after some general shenanigans (maybe even a run-in) and Rocky shakes his hand afterwards, cementing Cena as "The Man" heading forward.

    2.  Someone (possibly the Miz) interferes and costs Cena the match, giving the Rock a cheap victory and planting the seeds of the long-rumored heel turn.

    Unfortunately, I just don't see how the Rock can go over here. 

    What good would it do WWE to put a semi-retired actor over their biggest attraction at the biggest event of the year?  As soon as this pay-per-view is over, the Rock is going to be gone again, making movies and only appearing on WWE TV periodically.

    John Cena has to win this match from a business standpoint.  Unless WWE has this grand plan to turn Cena heel and change the entire course of WWE, he absolutely has to win, as much as it pains me to say so.

    Winner: John Cena