The "U” wants you to play on their football team. Well, assuming you’re at least 6’1” and over 230 pounds.
This fascinating sign was posted outside the Wellness Center at the University of Miami and is a call for anyone with adequate size that might be interested in playing on the Miami offensive line. I’m not quite sure if 230 pounds would do much in terms of offensive-line help, but then again, a diet of meat, more meat and even more meat can go a long way in six months.
This has prompted many to share their thoughts regarding the current state of the university’s football team, and much of this chatter isn’t commending them for getting the student body involved. Clearly, they’ve never seen the end of the inspirational football flick Little Giants and understand that most stories turn out just like this.
Miami’s internal “recruiting” tactic, while desperate on the surface, is perhaps just ahead of its time. This is not the first time a school has actively advertised tryouts for a team in need. In fact, this happens all the time, but the specific nature of this sign is what separates it from the others.
This, of course, has sparked random thoughts of what other schools might put on their signs if they happened to take this route in 2012.
Attention freshmen and sophomores! Wisconsin is looking for an experienced quarterback for the 2014 college football season. Although Danny O’Brien will be our quarterback for 2012 and 2013, we will have a vacant slot open as soon as he graduates. This individual must be between the ages of 21 and 65, although no experience in our “system” is required. Interested? Meet head football coach Bret Bielema at the Madison Steak and Shake at approximately 2:37 a.m. on Friday for more info!
Woooooooooof! Husky Nation, make the most of this unique opportunity! The Washington football program is looking for young men to fill some of the holes in our defense. We have a variety of openings, which are as follows: right defensive end, left defensive end, both defensive tackle positions, both outside and middle linebacker, strong and weak-side corner and both safety spots. If you are interested, email coach Sarkisian for more information! It’s time to let the dogs out! (Alright, this last part is a bit of a stretch, but just go with it).
Hello, students! Paul Johnson’s squad is looking for anyone interested in playing wide receiver for one of the ACC’s best football programs. As you know, the school has had tremendous recent success turning Yellow Jacket ball-catchers into NFL stars! Requirements: Must be at least 6’3” and 225 pounds and must run under a 4.45 40-yard dash. Hands not necessarily needed. Learn to block like a pro at Georgia Tech!
Be a part of something special. UCLA’s prestigious program is looking for young men with quarterback experience. As part of this unique opportunity, all candidates will be required to sign up with a friend, preferably also with quarterbacking experience. This “Buddy Bruin” program will ensure that we have ample backup quarterbacks once you are injured on the field, and there’s an 85 percent chance of that happening. Just kidding! No, we're not. Stay tuned for more details!
The University of Iowa is looking for students who are interested in playing the running-back position. Although speed and strength are a requirement, this is something that our world-class strength and conditioning coaches will work on to get you Hawkeye ready! Required: All players must stay for at least three seasons regardless of how badly you want to leave or if you graduate. Also, you will be required to wear body armor at all times on and off the field to avoid injury.
Boise State (and pretty much everyone)
Put your soccer skills to good use! The Boise State football team will be holding tryouts for kickers next week and is seeking anyone with prior kicking experience. Although a powerful leg is preferred, we’re especially interested in those of you that pride yourselves on accuracy (please, no toe-bashing). All candidates will also undergo a minor mental evaluation to determine how well they cope with pressure and be required to see a psychiatrist twice a week.
Are you male? Do you have two legs and at least one arm? Have you at least touched a football at some point in your lifetime? No? Well, don’t worry about it. We would love to have you on our team as soon as possible. No tryouts are necessary, as our roster is thin as the result of mass transfers. In fact, uniform pickup is at 8 o’clock tonight, and you have been penciled in as the starting right guard and free safety. Oh, and you’re our starting kicker as well. Welcome to the team!