The Most Hideous Uniform in the History of Each MLB Team
I played baseball for 13 years, from age five up through my senior year of high school, and one of the greatest thrills I had was putting on the uniform.
Whether it was a replica MLB jersey in little league or my high school's unis, donning a set of clothes that were exclusive to just one group of people in the real world was just magical, and my teammates and I enjoyed every minute of it.
Then, as the years went on, some of the uniforms we knew and loved changed.
When the Toronto Blue Jays shifted away from their powder blue look and into a more conventional setting, I was horrified. Once majestic and proud, the Jays now looked just plain stupid. Thankfully, they've gone back to their previous design.
Still, now that I'm fired up and in baseball uniform mode, let's have a look at each MLB team's worst fashion decision ever.
Brian Bahr/Getty Images
I'm sorry, but this jersey just has to go. The diamondback is a deadly type of rattlesnake that can be found in the Arizona desert, and how do they choose to represent it?
With a goofy purple jersey and a cartoony snake on the cap.
The team's current uniforms aren't much better, but it's still an improvement over this monstrosity.
Well, now I think we have proof that everyone was on drugs in the 1970s.
Call me crazy but I think that in this particular picture, Eddie Murray was trying to stifle a laugh once he realized how ridiculous he and his teammates looked in orange.
Boston Red Sox
Stephen Dunn/Getty Images
Hey, Red Sox, the minors called. They want their jerseys back!
Poor Ernie Banks. He's easily one of the greatest players to never win a World Series, and to add insult to injury, he was stuck in this lousy nightmare of a uniform for part of his career.
I vote that all of these jerseys be buried in the desert a la the E.T. game for the Atari 2600. For the greater good, they must be removed from society.
Chicago White Sox
The Reds' jerseys haven't changed much over the years, but this one sticks out like a sore thumb. It's not so much hideous, but it's definitely plain and boring. I can't say anything really bad about it, but it's not a really good jersey either.
Thus, on to the next!
Quick question: Did someone really mean for this to be a jersey, or did a custom-made pajama shirt get sent to the team's main office instead?
Christian Petersen/Getty Images
The Colorado Rockies' jerseys have remained virtually unchanged since they debuted in 1993, so they will not have to deal with my amateur fashion critique.
If you want to talk about the jersey of the now-defunct NHL team (not the current one), however, send me a message and I'll gladly give my opinion!
I understand the tiger-ish color scheme here, but the lettering is just too intimidating. It's as though the Detroit Tigers were a prison team and not a major league one.
I have no shame in admitting that I actually own one of these jerseys, but hear me out. This jersey is so unbelievably hideous and ugly that it has a unique attractiveness about it.
Still, it's proof positive that the 1980s were one loud decade.
Kansas City Royals
George Brett helped the Kansas City Royals become one of the best teams in baseball from the late 1970s up through the mid 1980s, but you have to feel bad for the guy. This uniform looks like a 1950s nightmare and is way outdated for when it was worn.
Los Angeles Angels
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Ladies and gentlemen, the biggest joke of an MLB uniform, brought to you by Disney!
Los Angeles Dodgers
Stephen Dunn/Getty Images
I may not root for them, but I'll be honest with you. There is not one bad thing I can say about Dodger Blue.
The then-Florida Marlins debuted this jersey in 1993, and then the government announced that there was no more teal left in the world.
The Milwaukee Brewers started out as the Seattle Pilots, and now I can see why they moved. The Seattle fans were probably so horrified by this uniform that they drove the team out of town!
Am I the only one who thinks that this uniform looks like an absolute '80s nightmare? That shade of blue is just off-putting...
New York Mets
Well, forget that Twins uniform being an '80s nightmare. The Mets' 1980s uni just usurped it with its horrific combination of dark electric blue and neon orange.
Maybe so many Mets players got into trouble around this time because they wanted to stop wearing such awful clothes on the field?
New York Yankees
Extra! Extra! Read all about it! New York Yankees' inaugural uniforms cause rift with local paperboys!
Well, I think we have the answer as to why players on the A's in the '70s hated Charlie Finley. Not only did he not pay them well enough, but he forced them to wear such awful duds!
Stephen Dunn/Getty Images
Well, it looks like the Phillies mixed up their players' personalized pajamas with the uniforms all throughout the 1980s. Poor Mike Schmidt, having to wear such hideous threads in front of his fans!
For all of the years that the Pirates wore this uniform, there was a shortage of black and gold in the world!
San Diego Padres
Well, where do I begin with this one? Not only do the mustard yellow and certain shade of brown not work together, but the team name looks more like it's advertising a TV show rather than a team.
In fact, just looking at this uniform makes me sick to my stomach. Next please!
San Francisco Giants
Come on, Giants. We've been over this. Orange didn't work for Baltimore, so it's definitely not going to work for you, no matter how much black you add into it!
Clearly, the Mariners did not get the memo about the gross mess that was the Seattle Pilots jersey. It's the only logical reason why their inaugural uniform would be so eerily familiar.
St. Louis Cardinals
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The Cardinals' uniform, like that of the Colorado Rockies, has been virtually unchanged throughout the team's existence. The only ones that really stand out are this little blue number and this old-school look, and I'll level with you.
I like them both. There's nothing wrong with either. Moving right along...
Tampa Bay Rays
Next on NBC, the spinoff of the hit show Miami Vice...I give you...Devil Rays!!!! But in all seriousness, folks, this uniform and its lettering just SCREAM cheesy beach television show.
This uniform got discontinued before I was born, and I'm eternally grateful that I never had to witness it on a regular basis. That weird blue, the stripes down the sides of the pants and that goofy cap.
Man, I guess everything is bigger in Texas, except for the access to top uni designers.
Toronto Blue Jays
Tom Szczerbowski/Getty Images
OK, is this jersey supposed to make a blue jay look intimidating? If so, allow me to level with everyone.
Blue jays are not scary birds. They're annoying, smell bad and are not badass AT ALL. That said, I'm so happy that Toronto went back to its original look.
Nick Laham/Getty Images
The obvious choice here would be a certain Montreal Expos uniform, but it was the '80s and thus we'll let it slide. Instead, we have the inaugural away uniform of the Nationals.
I have never before seen a jersey so boring and so ugly, and it's saddening given how the home unis looked pretty good.
Both looks have since been discontinued and the Nats' uniforms have slightly improved, but this one will forever stick out in my mind since it's all three B's: boring, bland and banal.