While all eyes at this year's WrestleMania will be on The Rock and John Cena, there is one match that no one cares about.
What match might I be talking about, you ask?
Kane vs. Orton?
OK, there are two matches on the card that no one cares about.
I have to be talking about Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus..
Well? It's a toss-up, but I'll give you that. Three matches no one cares about.
The divas match?
OK, four matches.
Before you guess again, I'm referring to the 12-man tag that pits John Laurinaitis's ragtag bunch of rapscallions against Teddy Long's crew of underacheiving knuckleheads.
On paper, this looks like a "nothing" match. For all intents and purposes, it is. However, this journalist feels that it doesn't have to be.
Allow me to break down this match by participant.
David Otunga – As much as Internet fans might hate it, Otunga will be a main-eventer by the beginning of next year, if not sooner. The powers-that-be definitely see money in him, thanks to who he is married to and his accolades outside of the WWE, being a graduate of Harvard Law School and an accomplished lawyer. Making Otunga team captain is a way of prominently featuring him on the card without giving him a whole lot to do in the match. I expect him to be a non-factor.
Mark Henry – I expect the World's Strongest Man to do a few power moves in the match and maybe even send someone out on a stretcher. Since I doubt the match will be longer than seven minutes, I don't expect Henry to do a whole lot of damage.
The Miz – I've never been a fan of his and I never took him seriously as a main-eventer or world champion, but none of what I thought mattered last year. The problem that the Miz has now is that the company does not take him as a legitimate star. He's been jobbing on television every week and, up until this past Monday's Raw, wasn't even on the Mania card. I expect nothing out of him in this match, but I do have a theory regarding Miz. More on that later.
Drew McIntyre – Picture a scenario: WWE Creative comes together at moon in Atlanta, Ga. A meeting ensues, and someone (Michael Hayes, John Laurinaitis, Triple H, take your pick) comes up with an idea. They belt out in the middle of the meeting, “You know, I like Christian, I think he's a talented worker, but I think his spot is better suited for Drew McIntyre." Instead of being mocked, ridiculed, and laughed at by other creative team members, they say, “Know something? You're right!” Can you fathom that? Neither can I. I suspect that Christian might still be suffering from the injury he received earlier in the year and Drew got thrown a bone. I expect nothing out of Drew, and now that he's in the match, I choose him to be the guy to get pinned if Team Johnny loses (my original choice was Miz).
Jack Swagger – Jack Swagger is just kind of there. He will be a non-factor.
Dolph Ziggler – Had so much potential earlier in the year but now he is right to where he was mid-2011 and that's languishing in mid-card purgatory, proving that a person with the name Ziggler will never be a main-eventer.
Santino Marella- The captain of Team Teddy is out there for laughs. I am happy to see him on the card. However, I fully expect him to be the one to get pinned shall his team lose.
R-Truth – Much like Ziggler, he had so much potential and it is a shame he is not a main-event heel. I expect him to get at least one cool spot in the match.
Kofi Kingston – More on him later.
The Great Khali – How Khali has a spot on the card is beyond me. I am guessing he helps inflate the buyrate in India. In any case, kudos to him for making it on the card.
Zack Ryder – More on him later.
Booker T – The latest addition to the team. We all know Booker's only purpose at this point in his career is to make guys look good. We might see a Spinaroonie in the match, however, I do not expect to see much more than that.
Let's fact it—none of these guys are what you would call, "on a roll," and with the exception of Booker T, none of their careers have been anything to write about.
Will this match mean anything after WrestleMania? Probably not.
Even with the stipulation of Teddy or Johnny getting full control of both shows, I seriously doubt that would change the wrestling landscape in the WWE. Hell, I could even see this match ending in a double-disqualification, guaranteeing that everything stays the same post-WrestleMania.
However, if WWE Creative really wants to be creative, then I would explore three possible scenarios, all of which involve someone turning face or heel and could turn this nothing match into something we are all talking about come Monday morning.
There's only one scenario, however, I see as the proper choice.
Scenario 1: In this scenario, Miz is the guy who gets pinned and loses the match for his team. The next night on Raw, he is confronted by Team Johnny. Laurinaitis publicly berates him, then Otunga gets in Miz's face and smacks him, prompting Miz to retaliate and get jumped by the other members of Team Johnny. They beat Miz to a pulp and he is instantly turned face. This wouldn't be such a bad idea, except the Miz has been a joke for the better part of the last year.
For someone to be a strong face, they would need to be a strong heel and Miz is not a strong heel. Again, even when Miz had the title, he was still a joke. He had no significant wins and his promos were just too goofy for him to be taken as a threat to anyone, much less John Cena.
I would give this spot to Ziggler sometime down the road, but he needs a little more momentum. Ziggler definitely has the potential to make himself likable as a heel to the point where he starts getting cheered.
The “Dolph Ziggler” name has got to go. It's a stupid name and I can't even fathom anybody in that company with a name that asinine being a top face. So regardless of who gets the face turn in this scenario, it strikes out.
Scenario 2: This scenario involves "Long Island Iced Z" himself, Zack Ryder. I'll be the first one to admit I was amused by the Z! True Long Island Story, but then he started getting pushed/ When the Ryder push started, I had to sit back and ask myself: “Why did I want this guy to get pushed again?” His face run has been a big fat f'n fail! Sure, he had an inspirational chase for the meaningless U. S. title, but outside of that he's been a complete joke. Running from Kane and needing John Cena to protect him while crying over Eve has been a bad look for Ryder.
So Ryder, tired of being the butt of everybody's jokes, goes rogue and turns on Team Teddy. The next night on Raw he explains that he is tired of being a nice guy and how it got him nowhere ( “blah blah blah, I'm a heel now!”).
This would work, but Ryder is actually a bigger joke than the Miz. For a Ryder heel turn to work, he needs, at least a six-month period where he ditches all the goofy crap. Of course, if Ryder is only to be a goofy, mid-card comedy heel then this scenario could work (but he'd get endeavored by year's end).
Scenario 3: Throughout this article, I have talked about non-factors in this match, which is easy to do because this match is filled with throwaway talent. In this scenario, Kingston being a non-factor actually works to his benefit.
Right as Team Teddy is on fire and right as R-Truth is about to hit his finishing move on a fallen Team Johnny member, Kingston gets in the ring and hits Truth with the Trouble in Paradise, making Team Johnny the victors. Kofi embraces Laurinaitis after the match to a chorus of boos from the Miami crowd. The next night on Raw, Kofi explains why he turned.
He states how he has been the most athletic guy since arriving in the company, yet all of his accomplishments have gone unnoticed. I would even have him brag about how he had the greatest spot in this year's Royal Rumble, only to get ignored. You could then have Booker T or R-Truth come out to talk some sense into Kofi, only for him to brutalize the rival.
I like Scenario 3 the most because Kofi is the one guy who's always just been kind of “there.”
He gets solid reactions, but he is stagnant. He's been a strong face for the last five years and he is loved by children. He's pretty much the Junkyard Dog to Cena's Hulk Hogan. Kofi turning heel could actually give Cena another guy to feud with. On the independent scene, Kofi showed promise as a heelm as seen here. I believe a Kofi heel turn could give him the motivation to thrive in the main event as a heel, and eventually WWE would be able to get mileage out of him as a face.
Of course, a Kofi heel turn at WrestleMania is just wishful thinking, but it does not have to be.
Right now, the 12-man tag match is one of the least important matches on the WrestleMania card. No one is taking it seriously. Turning Kofi heel in this match will truly make for a memorable "WrestleMania Moment" and could serve as a launching pad to springboard what could be a fantastic career.