St. Louis Rams Doomsday Mock Draft
Every year there are fans who are frightened by the thought of certain players being drafted by their favorite team.
Some players are extremely gifted athletes, but they have poor attitudes and cause problems wherever they go.
On the other hand, some prospects are classy human beings, but they leave a lot to be desired on the football field (Tim Tebow).
These "red flag" athletes enter the draft every single year, and there's typically at least one team willing to roll the dice and take a chance on a questionable character. Sometimes it pays off, lots of times it doesn't.
But in the end, no one is more acquainted with terrible drafts than St. Louis Rams fans.
Whether it's Jimmy "I'm Hungry" Kennedy, Tye "Burnt Toast" Hill, Adam "I'm Playing What Position?" Carriker or Alex "False Start" Barron, the Rams have been able to reel in some pretty embarrassing prospects in recent years.
The Rams are hopefully back on track as far as leadership, but suppose there's an emergency on draft day?
Head coach Jeff Fisher and general manager Les Snead go out for Indian food on eve of the draft and get food poisoning. So now what?
Owner Stan Kroenke calls in the "dream team" to operate the draft.
Former head coach Scott Linehan and former general manager Jay Zygmunt come in from the bullpen to take over the show.
All they have to do is turn in the picks that Fisher and Snead make for them, but they decide to unplug the phone and take over the draft.
So what are the terrible picks that inevitably follow?
Round 1 (6): Dontari Poe, DT (Memphis)
Forget cliches like "statistics" or "production," and while you're at it, just completely ignore Dontari Poe's inability to dominate for Memphis in an inadequate Conference USA.
Who needs that garbage when you can run the 40-yard dash in 4.87 seconds despite weighing 346 pounds?
Of course, a defensive tackle's 40-yard dash time is about as relevant as their ability to drive a stock car, but at least he'll be able to chase after the many running backs who break through the Rams defense.
Poe is suddenly viewed as a legitimate prospect who'll likely land himself in the top 15. However, he's clearly more of a project than an established talent.
Round 2 (33): Mike Adams, T (Ohio State)
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The Rams have been desperately trying to replace the legendary Alex Barron ever since his departure following the 2009 season, and Mike Adams just might be the man for the job.
If the Rams ever win the Super Bowl with Adams on the roster, there's a good chance that he'll attempt to exchange his Super Bowl ring for tattoos.
After all, that's exactly what he did with his 2008 Big Ten Championship ring.
And on top of being suspended, Adams also had an encounter with law enforcement regarding the possession of drug paraphernalia, though the charges were eventually dropped.
Round 2 (39): Janoris Jenkins, CB (Florida)
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Having four children with three different women forced cornerback Janoris Jenkins to become a man... who smokes reefer.
As if having four children with multiple women by the age of 23 isn't enough of an indicator of poor judgement, Jenkins has also been arrested multiple times for incidents including bar fights, resisting arrest and drug charges.
Jenkins' behavior forced the Florida Gators to kick him off the team.
Jenkins claims to be off marijuana permanently, so hopefully he'll straighten up and enjoy a successful career.
But for now, he has "disaster" written all over him.
Round 3 (66): Vontaze Burfict, LB (Arizona State)
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Vontaze Burfict was a highly-praised prospect at linebacker, but issues on and off the field, as well as a disastrous NFL Combine performance, will demolish his draft stock.
On top of that, Burfict's skills and instincts have been questioned by analysts such as NFL Network's Mike Mayock, who came away "unimpressed" after watching him on film.
Scouts anonymously criticized him during the combine. One scout claimed, "The guy is completely out of control. There’s no way you could trust him. I can’t believe they [ASU coaching staff] didn’t cut him loose."
Burfict's behavior has certainly lost him plenty of money. He was once a prized college prospect, but now he'll be lucky if he's a fourth-round draft pick.
Round 4 (96): Marcus Forston, DT (Miami)
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As a high school recruit, Marcus Forston was the top defensive tackle in the nation and a top 10 overall prospect according to Rivals.
However, after arriving to Miami University, things did not go as planned.
Forston also underperformed while in college, picking up just seven sacks in four seasons.
Round 6 (160): Cliff Harris, CB (Oregon)
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It's hard to find a disappointing player in the sixth round of the draft since expectations are so low, but cornerback Cliff Harris could be that guy.
Harris was stopped by police in June of 2011 for driving 118 mph when the speed limit was 65 mph. The incident resulted in his license being suspended, which evidently meant little to him.
Just four months later he was again involved in a traffic stop and was busted for driving with a suspended license, as well as a failure to wear his seat belt.
He was suspended from the team following the incident, but apparently he still did not learn his lesson as he was cited for marijuana possession in California two months later.
The Oregon Ducks dismissed Harris from the team following the drug incident.
Round 7 (192): Chris Rainey, RB (Florida)
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At 5'8" and 180 pounds, Chris Rainey is already an undersized running back who will inevitably struggle to find work, so it doesn't help that he's also a headcase.
During the 2010 season, Rainey was arrested for stalking his ex-girlfriend and sending her threatening text messages, which understandably led to her alerting the authorities.
While outside her home, Rainey allegedly sent her a message saying "Time to die [Expletive]".
Stay classy Chris Rainey.