As we all know by now, John Cena apparently has lady parts. John Cena is also allegedly gay, a teletubby, a wannabe rapper and um...gay. Did I mention he apparently has lady parts?
These are, of course, the major arguments for why John Cena sucks as told by my eight-year-old brother—oh wait! Sorry, these comments are actually from the Rock.
Yes, wrestling fans, the Rock has returned.
It seems like such a long time ago when I marked out the 30-minute-long promo of when he finally made his return. It seems like such a long time ago when I didn't want to change the channel when the Rock was on TV.
Not enjoying the Rock? Am I crazy? Am I just a lousy hater? Am I just angry that CM Punk isn't getting more screen time?
Or could it be that calling someone I dislike gay or a girl hasn't really been that cutting edge or enjoyable since the first time I heard it in kindergarten? Could it be that I see the odd difference between the WWE running their "Be A STAR" campaign and the headliner of WrestleMania using "lol ur gay" as his comeback line to everything?
According to the Be A Star website, the mission of the program is to "ensure a positive and equitable social environment for everyone regardless of age, race, religion or sexual orientation..." I'm certainly not a bleeding heart, but what kind of message is the Rock sending?
There is also the matter of the Rock seeming to be stuck in 1998.
Is Vanilla Ice still a culturally relevant figure? His top-selling album was released in 1990.
What about the Teletubbies? The television show hasn't aired regularly in the United States since 2005 let alone recorded any new episodes since 2001.
In my opinion, cracking jokes about rappers who haven't been relevant in 20 years or television shows that have rarely been seen in the past seven years isn't "hip" or cutting edge.
The entire spectacle has left me disappointed. The Rock—the Great One—the best ever on the mic, has offered nothing other than pre-school humor and 20-year-old jokes. I am one of the millions and millions of the Rock's fans, and I expect more.