College BasketballDownload App

March Madness 2012: The Best Fictional Athletes Bracket

Gabe ZaldivarPop Culture Lead WriterJanuary 3, 2017

March Madness 2012: The Best Fictional Athletes Bracket

1 of 65

    Brackets. Ahhhhh, brackets. 

    They invade everything we touch and surround us like "The Force." Here is a bracket that will bust any and all that stand in its way. 

    We have a field of 64 fictional athletes and set them against one another in a battle that would make fans of Dragonball Z all giggly pants.

    First thing to understand is that we are dealing with the land of make believe, where Teen Wolf is a person and Rex Ryan passes on seconds. 

    That means some things may make sense and others will not. The key here is for you to take it completely serious and trash these selections in the comments sections below. 

    These lists tend to get taken far too seriously, so let's embrace it. Where did I go wrong, people? Let's debate. 

    First, the field of 64 broken up into four distinct regionals that exist only in my mind. 

     

    RADICAL REGIONAL

    Athlete Work of Fiction
    1. Rocky Rocky I - Rocky Balboa
    2. Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez The Sandlot 
    3. Mr. Miyagi Karate Kid I, II and III (The Next Karate Kid will be ignored)
    4. Willie Beamen Any Given Sunday
    5. Jack Elliott Mr. Baseball
    6. Ty Webb Caddyshack
    7. Willie Mays Hayes Major League I and II
    8. Sidney Deane White Men Can't Jump 
    9. Steve Lattimer The Program 
    10. Ricky Bobby  Talladega Nights
    11. Santiago Munez Goal I, II and the trash that was III
    12. Shane Falco  The Replacements
    13. Jimmy Chitwood  Hoosiers
    14. Jackie Moon Semi-Pro
    15. Air Bud  Air Bud
    16. Clubber Lang  Rocky III

     

    BODACIOUS REGIONAL 

    Athlete Work of Fiction
    1. Roy Hobbs The Natural 
    2. Reg Dunlop Slapshot  
    3. Apollo Creed Rocky I - IV
    4. Roy McAvoy Tin Cup
    5. Maggie Fitzgerald  Million Dollar Baby 
    6. Crash Davis Bull Durham
    7. Paul Blake  Necessary Roughness
    8. Billy Hoyle White Men Can't Jump 
    9. Mox Varsity Blues  
    10. Forrest Gump  Forrest Gump 
    11. Nuke LaLoosh Bull Durham
    12. Pedro Cerrano   Major League
    13. Steve Nebraska   The Scout
    14. Jimmy Dugan  A League of Their Own
    15. Bobby Rayburn  The Fan 
    16. Hamilton Porter The Sandlot 

     

    GNARLY REGIONAL  

    Athlete Work of Fiction
    1. Jesus Shuttlesworth He Got Game 
    2. Dottie Hinson  A League of Their Own  
    3. Bugs Bunny  Rod Tidwell
    4. Rod Tidwell Jerry Maguire
    5. Joe Kane  The Program
    6. Happy Gilmore  Happy Gilmore 
    7. Ivan Drago  Rocky IV
    8. Jake Taylor Major League I and II
    9. Kenny Powers Eastbound and Down 
    10. Kit Keller  A League of Their Own 
    11. Billy Chapel    For Love of the Game
    12. Ernie McCracken   Kingpin 
    13. Lincoln Hawk  Over the Top
    14. Doug Dorsey and Kate Moseley Cutting Egde 
    15. Ryan Dunne  Summer Catch 
    16. Andrew Clark  The Breakfast Club 

     

    TUBULAR REGIONAL

    Athlete Work of Fiction
    1. Scott Howard/Teen Wolf  Teen Wolf  
    2. Ricky Vaughn  Major League I and II  
    3. Robin Ramzinski The Wrestler 
    4. Bobby Boucher  The Waterboy
    5. Chuck Norris  Sidekicks
    6. Paul Crewe   The Longest Yard  
    7. Marla Hooch  A League of Their Own
    8. Shark Lavay  Any Given Sunday
    9. Kelly Leak Bad News Bears 
    10. Roger Dorn  Major League I and II 
    11. Stan Ross Mr. 3000
    12. Lou Collins    Little Big League  
    13. Shooter McGavin  Happy Gilmore 
    14. White Goodman  Dodgeball 
    15. Mark Cooper  Hanging with Mr. Cooper
    16. Michael "Squints" Palledorous The Sandlot 

     

    And finally, the fictional athletes that failed to make the field of 64.

    Athlete Work of Fiction
    Jim Bowers Little Big League
    Billy Brubaker Summer Catch
    Jack 'Deuce' Cooper Ed
    Juwanna Mann Juwanna Mann
    Cal Naughton Jr.  Talladega Nights 
    David Simms Tin Cup 
    Marcus "My Brother's Keeper" Episode of Fresh Prince
    Daniel LaRusso  Karate Kid 
    Cru Rad 

     

    The Jamaican bobsled team has to be acknowledged, but it is far too "non-fictional." I have some rules. 

    Now, let's begin to breakdown the last bracket you will ever need—or not. Let's do it either way. 

    Follow me on Twitter, because your life may just depend on it. 

First Round: Radical Region No. 1 Seed vs. No. 16 Seed

2 of 65

    Rocky Balboa vs. Clubber Lang 

    Lang has brutal punching power, but he isn't the brightest. Balboa would find another hole in his game and capitalize on it. 

    Also, Rocky always wins, even when he loses. 

    Rocky Balboa Wins 

First Round: Radical Region No. 2 Seed vs. No. 15 Seed

3 of 65

    Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez vs. Air Bud 

    Um, so "The Jet" destroyed one dog in only the greatest pickle known to man. Oh, yeah, and then he made that dog his pet. 

    Sorry, Bud. 

    Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez Wins 

First Round: Radical Region No. 3 Seed vs. No. 14 Seed

4 of 65

    Mr. Miyagi vs. Jackie Moon

    Oh, I hate to see Jackie Moon go, but he doesn't have what it takes to take down the great Mr. Miyagi. He knows how to teach karate and get his house painted and sanded

    Mr. Miyagi Wins 

First Round: Radical Region No. 4 Seed vs. No. 13 Seed

5 of 65

    Willie Beamen vs. Jimmy Chitwood 

    Duh, upset city. 

    Jimmy Chitwood wants that last shot, and Beamen is a cocky quarterback prone to losing his lunch on the field. 

    Actually, I just wanted to play the final shot one more time. 

    Jimmy Chitwood Wins 

First Round: Radical Region No. 5 Seed vs. No. 12 Seed

6 of 65

    Jack Elliott vs. Shane Falco 

    Shane Falco is a great quarterback who delivers the ball way better than Keanu Reeves delivers lines, but this goes to the man with the best mustache in the history of such things. 

    Jack Elliott Wins 

First Round: Radical Region No. 6 Seed vs. No. 11 Seed

7 of 65

    Ty Webb vs. Santiago Munez 

    I hate to do this to poor Santi, but Ty Webb wins on pure comedic ability and deadpan delivery. You world football fans can cry about it. 

    Ty Webb Wins 

First Round: Radical Region No. 7 Seed vs. No. 10 Seed

8 of 65

    Willie Mays Hayes vs. Ricky Bobby 

    This is not a good bracket for Will Ferrell, who is far too susceptible to his best friend stealing his woman and Borat out-driving him. 

    Willie Mays Hayes has a whole collection of batting gloves, and he intends to use every one. 

    Willie Mays Hayes Wins 

First Round: Radical Region No. 8 Seed vs. No. 9 Seed

9 of 65

    Sidney Deane vs. Steve Lattimer 

    Seeing as how performance-enhancing drugs are as in vogue as the singing group En Vogue, Lattimer gets beat down in a short game of one-on-one. 

    Sidney Deane Wins 

First Round: Bodacious Region No. 1 Seed vs. No. 16 Seed

10 of 65

    Roy Hobbs vs. Hamilton Porter

    Please, Hamilton Porter is only fit to go get Roy Hobbs a winner from the bat rack. 

    Roy Hobbs Wins 

First Round: Bodacious Region No. 2 Seed vs. No. 15 Seed

11 of 65

    Reg Dunlop vs. Bobby Rayburn

    Reg Dunlop moves on simply for the fact that The Fan was quite possibly the worst sports film ever filmed. It may even be the worst sports movie ever considered. This includes my idea for an Air Bud/ Juwanna Mann movie. 

    Reg Dunlop Wins 

First Round: Bodacious Region No. 3 Seed vs. No. 14 Seed

12 of 65

    Apollo Creed vs. Jimmy Dugan

    Apollo Creed's footwork would allow him to run circles around a slugger that has bad knees and considers himself a Peach. 

    Apollo Creed Wins

First Round: Bodacious Region No. 4 Seed vs. No. 13 Seed

13 of 65

    Roy McAvoy vs. Steve Nebraska 

    The fictional Aroldis Chapman would no doubt get the bullpen treatment after batters learn how to catch up to his triple-digit heat. 

    Okay, that may be reaching, but the movie sucked and Roy McAvoy is the man that always "goes for it." Even with Rene Russo, so he wins. 

    Roy McAvoy Wins 

First Round: Bodacious Region No. 5 Seed vs. No. 12 Seed

14 of 65

    Maggie Fitzgerald vs. Pedro Cerrano

    I loved me some Million Dollar Baby, but Pedro Cerrano is the most underrated character from one of the greatest all-time films. 

    We have ourselves a potential Cinderella—alert ESPN. 

    Pedro Cerrano Wins 

First Round: Bodacious Region No. 6 Seed vs. No. 11 Seed

15 of 65

    Crash Davis vs. Nuke LaLoosh 

    This battle would drive amazing ratings, and it goes to the grizzled vet that never made it to the bigs aside from a cup of coffee. 

    Crash Davis gets the game, and that means everything. 

    Crash Davis Wins 

First Round: Bodacious Region No. 7 Seed vs. No. 10 Seed

16 of 65

    Paul Blake vs. Forrest Gump 

    There is no getting around Forrest Gump and his ability to luck into the most amazing life moments. Plus, he is the greatest kick returner ever known. 

    Forrest Gump Wins 

First Round: Bodacious Region No. 8 Seed vs. No. 9 Seed

17 of 65

    Billy Hoyle vs. Jonathan "Mox" Moxon 

    Mox takes over the team from a horrible coach that wants to win at any cost. Billy Hoyle plays for the sheer love of the game—and to get out from under the Stucci brothers. 

    I take Hoyle by the slimmest of margins, because he never misses a wide-open jumpshot. He is the anti-J.R. Smith, and I like that about him. 

    Billy Hoyle Wins 

First Round: Gnarly Region No. 1 Seed vs. No. 16 Seed

18 of 65

    Jesus Shuttlesworth vs. Andrew Clark 

    Andrew Clark would just tape your buns together and get detention. This battle is easy and goes to the character that is far more likable than Ray Allen. 

    Jesus Shuttlesworth Wins 

First Round: Gnarly Region No. 2 Seed vs. No. 15 Seed

19 of 65

    Dottie Hinson vs. Ryan Dunne 

    Ryan Dunne gets the girl, which happens to be Jessica Biel. For this, we give him enough extra credit points to make this a nail-biter until the final few minutes of the game.

    Hinson still takes this one with her ability to hit the other way and catch a solid game. She also saved the AAGBL from going under when Walter Harvey wanted to close it down. 

    Dottie Hinson Wins 

First Round: Gnarly Region No. 3 Seed vs. No. 14 Seed

20 of 65

    Bugs Bunny vs. Doug Dorsey and Kate Moseley

    I love me some Cutting Edge, and I am not the least bit ashamed to say it. Dorsey and Moseley pull off the unthinkable Pemchenko Twist and pretty much take my manly breath away every time. 

    However, Bugs Bunny's stuff is just filthy, and way sicker than anything Yu Darvish has in his arsenal. 

    Bugs Bunny Wins 

First Round: Gnarly Region No. 4 Seed vs. No. 13 Seed

21 of 65

    Rod Tidwell vs. Lincoln Hawk

    Lincoln Hawk would be busy pleading for an arm wrestling match while Tidwell is off running tight routes and winning Cuba Gooding Jr. and Oscar. 

    This win goes to the fictional Cardinals receiver. You see, Arizona? You can win something. 

    Rod Tidwell Wins 

First Round: Gnarly Region No. 5 Seed vs. No. 12 Seed

22 of 65

    Joe Kane vs. Ernie McCracken

    Upset, y'all!

    Joe Kane pulls off an epic Munson and falls to Big Ern in the opening round. Now McCracken is just flossin' after the match.

    Wait, flossin', where did I get Munson from?

    Ernie McCracken Wins 

First Round: Gnarly Region No. 6 Seed vs. No. 11 Seed

23 of 65

    Happy Gilmore vs. Billy Chapel

    This bracket already has far too much Kevin Costner than I can stand. With that, we let the man that inadvertently killed Chubbs to go on to the next round. 

    Happy Gilmore Wins 

First Round: Gnarly Region No. 7 Seed vs. No. 10 Seed

24 of 65

    Ivan Drago vs. Kit Keller 

    Oh, I have been waiting years to see Kit Keller lose. The ending of A League of Their Own is pure garbage as Dottie Hinson completely lets her team down to allow her bratty sister win the big game...

    Full disclosure, I am an older brother and may be biased against the final moments of what I consider the most controversial ending in all movies. 

    Ivan Drago Wins 

First Round: Gnarly Region No. 8 Seed vs. No. 9 Seed

25 of 65

    Jake Taylor vs. Kenny Powers 

    I had to include one game that was completely and utterly seeded incorrectly. This makes it seem far more like the real NCAA tournament. 

    With that, we give you the beatdown of comedy that Kenny Powers would deliver on Jake Taylor and his bad knees and inability to get the ball down to second anymore. 

    Kenny Powers Wins 

First Round: Tubular Region No. 1 Seed vs. No. 16 Seed

26 of 65

    Teen Wolf vs. Michael "Squints" Palledorous 

    Squints gets off to an early lead by landing Wendy Peffercorn, but you can't outlast the power of the wolf. 

    The greatest high school basketball player that also happens to be a werewolf wins in a landslide. 

    Teen Wolf Wins 

First Round: Tubular Region No. 2 Seed vs. No. 15 Seed

27 of 65

    Rick Vaughn vs. Mark Cooper 

    Yeah, this may be the greatest pummeling of them all. Yeah, I watched Mr. Cooper when I was younger, but that doesn't mean I am comfortable letting such things out in the open. 

    Cue the music, because Wild Thing is about to get busy. 

    Rick Vaughn Wins 

First Round: Tubular Region No. 3 Seed vs. No. 14 Seed

28 of 65

    Robin Ramzinski vs. White Goodman

    Wave a doughnut in front of White Goodman and he is donezos. There is also no beating a man that continues to wrestle simply for the love of the sport. 

    Excuse me, because I need a moment. 

    Robin Ramzinski Wins 

First Round: Tubular Region No. 4 Seed vs. No. 13 Seed

29 of 65

    Bobby Boucher vs. Shooter McGavin

    Is your head done spinning from the fact that a protagonist from one Adam Sandler film will battle the antagonist from another?

    Shooter McGavin gets a beatdown thanks to some Tacklin' Fuel

    Bobby Boucher Wins 

First Round: Tubular Regional No. 5 Seed vs. No. 12 Seed

30 of 65

    Chuck Norris vs. Lou Collins 

    Fictional Chuck Norris living in the mind of Jonathan Brandis would destroy Lou Collins from Little Big League. 

    Collins looks like someone the Dodgers would sign to play second base for their team. 

    Chuck Norris Wins

First Round: Tubular Regional No. 6 Seed vs. No. 11 Seed

31 of 65

    Paul Crewe vs. Stan Ross 

    Ah, this is a tough one, and a match that gets muddied by the fact that Adam Sandler was the most recent incarnation of a role that Burt Reynolds owned. 

    Despite the handicap, Reynolds' version beats Stan Ross and the three hits he can't seem to get. 

    Paul Crewe Wins

First Round: Tubular Regional No. 7 Seed vs. No. 10 Seed

32 of 65

    Marla Hooch vs. Roger Dorn

    This regional may not feature upsets to this point, and it won't begin here. Hooch is simply an indispensable part of the Rockford Peach's lineup. 

    She can hit for average and power and may just own the purest swing since Ted Williams. I am still willing to buy a ticket for Roger Dorn day. 

    Marla Hooch Wins 


First Round: Tubular Regional No. 8 Seed vs. No. 9 Seed

33 of 65

    Shark Lavay vs. Kelly Leak

    This isn't even a contest.

    Leake comes from an era when smoking cigarettes and growing your hair long was the sign of an uber rebel. 

    Lavay would play with a missing limb. So this one goes to the Shark. 

    Shark Lavay Wins 


Second Round: Radical Region No. 1 Seed vs. No. 8 Seed

34 of 65

    Rocky Balboa vs. Sidney Deane

    Rocky gave us sick montages that lasted for hours. Sidney Deane took his friends' money in a bet he knew he would win. For shame, for shame, Sidney Deane. 

    Rocky Balboa Wins


Second Round: Radical Region No. 2 Seed vs. No. 7 Seed

35 of 65

    Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez vs. Willie Mays Hayes

    Speed meets speed in an all-out war for basepath supremacy. You have Rodriguez that clearly makes his mark in the Majors. 

    However, Hayes can also has some pop in his swing. I like Hayes and his ability to steal home runs with his leaping ability. 

    Willie Mays Hayes Wins 


Second Round: Radical Region No. 3 Seed vs. No. 6 Seed

36 of 65

    Mr. Miyagi vs. Ty Webb

    This really comes down to the battle of cool. Nothing affects Ty Webb, but you can say the same about Mr. Miyagi

    He also had to deal with the whiny adventures of Daniel LaRusso. 

    Mr. Miyagi

Second Round: Radical Region No. 5 Seed vs. No. 13 Seed

37 of 65

    Jack Elliott vs. Jimmy Chitwood 

    The question remains—does Jimmy Chitwood sink the same shot on another night? Of course not. He isn't Kobe Bryant, which is precisely why that shot is so remarkable. 

    Sorry, everyone that will hate this pick. 

    Jack Elliott Wins

Second Round: Bodacious Region No. 1 Seed vs. No. 8 Seed

38 of 65

    Roy Hobbs vs. Billy Hoyle 

    Both men are magical, but I will take the greatest that ever was and the greatest that ever will be. 

    Roy Hobbs Wins 

Second Round: Bodacious Region No. 2 Seed vs. No. 10 Seed

39 of 65

    Reg Dunlop vs. Forrest Gump 

    Dunlop wins a close one. It comes down to Dunlop being able to get in your head with trash talk. Unfortunately, that trash talk cannot be shown here because of the kiddies. 

    Reg Dunlop Wins 

Second Round: Bodacious Region No. 3 Seed vs. No. 6 Seed

40 of 65

    Apollo Creed vs. Crash Davis 

    Well, my man-crush loyalties are getting a bit divided right now. 

    It comes down to Carl Weathers vs. Kevin Costner for this one. Yes, I am stepping out of the box, but I invented this crazy world, and it's my rules. 

    For tie-breakers we go to an immediate other movie that comes to mind. 

    Carl Weathers vs. Kevin Costner
    Predator  Waterworld

    Apollo Creed Wins

Second Round: Bodacious Region No. 4 Seed vs. No. 12 Seed

41 of 65

    Roy McAvoy vs. Pedro Cerrano 

    Rene Russo comes into the movie and McAvoy gets the shanks. Wave some marbles infront of Cerrano, and he goes HAM on a slider on the inside corner. Cinderella continues to dace. 

    Pedro Cerrano Wins 


Second Round: Gnarly Region No. 1 Seed vs. No. 9 Seed

42 of 65

    Jesus Shuttlesworth vs. Kenny Powers 

    I smell upset, but that may just be the cologne Powers is wearing that smells of man and awesome. This is a victory that I didn't see coming, and it will be talked about for years. 

    Or it may just be overanalyzed in the comments section. 

    Kenny Powers Wins

Second Round: Gnarly Region No. 2 Seed vs. No. 10 Seed

43 of 65

    Dottie Hinson vs. Ivan Drago

    Hinson only gives up right at the very end, so she takes this one. 

    Dottie Hinson Wins 

Second Round: Gnarly Region No. 3 Seed vs. No. 6 Seed

44 of 65

    Bugs Bunny vs. Happy Gilmore 

    I would love to keep Happy Gilmore, but Bugs plays iron-man baseball. There is just no way to beat someone with that much versatility. 

    Bugs Bunny Wins 

Second Round: Gnarly Region No. 4 Seed vs. No. 12 Seed

45 of 65

    Rod Tidwell vs. Ernie McCracken

    You can't beat Ernie McCracken, even when it would have been a happy conclusion to a hilarious movie. He wins here, but only because I can't get enough of his clips. 

    Ernie McCracken Wins 

Second Round: Tubular Region No. 1 Seed vs. No. 8 Seed

46 of 65

    Teen Wolf vs. Shark Lavay

    The Wolf takes down the Shark, but not for the reason you think. 

    It's because Teen Wolf can straight-up boogie. 

    Teen Wolf Wins 


Second Round: Tubular Region No. 2 Seed vs. No. 7 Seed

47 of 65

    Rick Vaughn vs. Marla Hooch 

    Vaughn struck out Clew Haywood, so you know he will have no trouble pitching Hooch into a corner. She may foul off a couple like Haywood did, but she is going back to the dugout with shattered dreams. 

    Rick Vaughn Wins 

Second Round: Tubular Region No. 3 Seed vs. No. 6 Seed

48 of 65

    Robin Ramzinski vs. Paul Crewe

    Robin Ramzinski is just too tough and unrelenting a character not to win this one. I give brownie points to Marisa Tomei featuring in the movie as well. 

    Robin Ramzinski Wins

Second Round: Tubular Region No. 4 Seed vs. No. 5 Seed

49 of 65

    Bobby Boucher vs. Chuck Norris 

    In a make-believe world where fictional Chuck Norris matches up with a fictional Bobby Boucher, Chuck Norris wins. 

    Even in a land where anything can happen, this myth of a man continues to dominate. 

    Chuck Norris Wins 

Sweet 16: Radical Region No. 1 Seed vs. No. 5 Seed

50 of 65

    Rocky vs. Jack Elliott

    The amazing run of Mr. Baseball comes to an end with the power and awe that is Rocky IV. There are better movies out there, but not many. 

    It has everything, including two montages that clock in at the grand total of my entire childhood. Awesome. 

    Rocky

Sweet 16: Radical Region No. 3 Seed vs. No. 7 Seed

51 of 65

    Mr. Miyagi vs. Willie Mays Hayes 

    You can run, but you can't hide from the power and wisdom that is Mr. Miyagi. He pretty much made Larusso into a fighting machine. 

    Yes, that is doing the impossible if you are scoring at home. 

    Mr. Miyagi Wins

Sweet 16: Bodacious Region No. 1 Seed vs. No. 12 Seed

52 of 65

    Roy Hobbs vs. Pedro Cerrano 

    What do you want him to do? Do you want him to strike you out on three straight pitches or hit a game-winner that also busts every light in the joint out. 

    Roy Hobbs Wins 

Sweet 16: Bodacious Region No. 2 Seed vs. No. 3 Seed

53 of 65

    Reg Dunlop vs. Apollo Creed 

    We have a con man that turns around a franchise against the pizazz of Rocky's BFF. Dunlop would find a way to win this one—or have someone win it for him. 

    Reg Dunlop Wins 

Sweet 16: Gnarly Region No. 2 Seed vs. No. 3 Seed

54 of 65

    Dottie Hinson vs. Bugs Bunny 

    Did I forget to mention Bugs can ball, as he once did with Michael Jordan? Take a seat, Dottie. 

    Bugs Bunny Wins 

Sweet 16: Gnarly Region No. 9 Seed vs. No. 12 Seed

55 of 65

    Kenny Powers vs. Ernie McCracken 

    In yet another tie-breaker scenario, we go to the cards. Yes, the cards still mean body of work, and we don't even have to break this down. 

    Ernie McCracken Wins 

Sweet 16: Tubular Region No. 1 Seed vs. No. 5 Seed

56 of 65

    Teen Wolf vs. Chuck Norris 

    Chuck Norris is the ultimate weapon against all men, and he cannot be killed with conventional weapons. 

    Scott Howard is no mere man, and Teen Wolf is not conventional

    Teen Wolf Wins 


Sweet 16: Tubular Region No. 2 Seed vs. No. 3 Seed

57 of 65

    Ricky Vaughn vs. Robin Ramzinski 

    I think we have had about enough of the sad story that ends with me crying in my wife's arms, clutching a bowl of popcorn that now needs to refilled. 

    Hooray for happy endings, and huzzah for the Wild Thing. 

    Ricky Vaughn Wins 


Elite Eight: Radical Region No. 1 Seed vs. No. 3 Seed

58 of 65

    Rocky vs. Mr. Miyagi 

    Everybody, please stand up in your office cubicle and give a round of applause to Mr. Miyagi, because he fought an admirable fight. 

    I am choking up a bit, because I was hoping he would fictionally win in this fictional landscape, but Rocky never stops fighting. Seriously, like ever. 

    Rocky Wins

Elite Eight: Bodacious Region No. 1 Seed vs. No. 2 Seed

59 of 65

    Roy Hobbs vs. Reg Dunlop 

    I wanted to be Roy Hobbs growing up, even getting an awkward crush on Glenn Close during my formative years. 

    I still hold hope to get a looksie from the Knights and never allow any lady dressed in black to share an elevator with me. 

    Roy Hobbs Wins 

Elite Eight: Gnarly Region No. 3 Seed vs. No. 12 Seed

60 of 65

    Bugs Bunny vs. Ernie McCracken

    By this point, the ratings would trump anything Tim Tebow or Jeremy Lin could ever command, and we have yet another marquee matchup. 

    I have established my man crush on Big Ern, but Bugs Bunny's versatility and ability to aggravate while playing some great golf wins in the end

    Bugs Bunny Wins 

Elite Eight: Tubular Region No. 1 Seed vs. No. 2 Seed

61 of 65

    Teen Wolf vs. Rick Vaughn 

    These waves belong to Teen Wolf, who is as cool as the other side of Stuart Scott's pillow. 

    Teen Wolf Wins 

Final Four: No. 1 Rocky vs. No. 1 Roy Hobbs

62 of 65

    This is where things get messy, and we are sure to lose some people with our pick, but it has to go to Roy Hobbs

    With just one movie, Hobbs captivated every sports fan that always wanted to be considered the best that ever was. 

    It's one beautiful movie rather than a collection of hits and misses. There will never be another The Natural, but I will wager another Rocky script is sitting on Sylvester Stallone's desk.

    Roy Hobbs Wins

Final Four: No. 1 Teen Wolf vs. No. 3 Bugs Bunny

63 of 65

    The Teen Wolf cartoon keeps Scott Howard in the game until Bug Bunny busts out something that would border between shenanigans and hijinx. 

    Either way, the legend that is the Bunny moves on to the final. 

    Bugs Bunny Wins 

Final: No. 1 Roy Hobbs vs. No. 3 Bugs Bunny

64 of 65

    The best ending to a sports movie deserves another look, and here it is. 

    Roy Hobbs Wins

    There was never any question. Roy Hobbs is the perfect fictional character, because his bigger than life myth is accessible by this gifted man that almost saw his dream pass him bye. 

    The ending isn't a sappy mess, rather a perfect culmination of a superstar that loved his sport. I may start crying again, so I leave you with the only way I know how to end brackets. 

One Shining Moment

65 of 65

    The End 

Where can I comment?

Stay on your game

Latest news, insights, and forecasts on your teams across leagues.

Choose Teams
Get it on the App StoreGet it on Google Play

Real-time news for your teams right on your mobile device.

Download
Copyright © 2017 Bleacher Report, Inc. Turner Broadcasting System, Inc. All Rights Reserved. BleacherReport.com is part of Bleacher Report – Turner Sports Network, part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Network. Certain photos copyright © 2017 Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Getty Images is strictly prohibited. AdChoices