20 People in Sports Who Desperately Need a Makeover
Professional athletes aren't paid to look good on the red carpet; they're paid to perform on the field. Same goes for coaches, analysts and members of the sports media at-large.
Not everyone can be as effortlessly suave and stylish as Dwyane Wade, which is why they aren't expected to be. The bar is set relatively low for fashion in the sports world, and most people clear that bar with no problem whatsoever.
Most, not all.
For some unexplained reason, there are a few otherwise successful individuals who just can't manage to pull themselves together and dress like a professional on the rare occasion that it's expected.
Here are 20 such individuals.
20. Don Cherry, CBC
Right now, you are probably gasping at the fact that Don Cherry is No. 20 on this list and likely expected him to top the list. Honestly, I only included him at all to avoid the comment section being overrun with outrage over his omission.
It's not that I don't think Cherry dresses and behaves like a clown—I do. But he doesn't need a style makeover because this isn't even about style; it's about science.
You probably know that in nature, poisonous creatures are often brightly colored as a warning to potential predators—that's why Cherry's suits are technicolor—to warn the world that he's poison.
19. Ian Poulter, PGA
Many people wonder why golfers dress like tool bags—it's almost as if plaid pants, goofy sweaters and frat-boy visors are issued along with a PGA tour card.
Perhaps that what attracted Ian Poulter to golf, because he obviously spends more time coloring his hair to match his ridiculous pants than he does working on his relatively unimpressive game. Seriously, what is with the bleached blond spikes—he looks an extra on Dawson's Creek.
Oh, and if the goofy outfits don't come standard issue, Poulter can provide them—he's got his very own line of golf clothes and apparel.
18. Metta World Peace, Los Angeles Lakers
There's no question that Metta World Peace is an odd duck; that fact has long been established. I wouldn't have been forced to come up with a way to abbreviate his made-up name (M.W. Peace) if he wasn't an odd duck.
I don't have a problem with player eccentricities, but M.W. Peace is really giving us the full-court press with all of his. He has no clue that more isn't always better, sometimes it's just more.
You can change your name to something stupid or dress like an escaped mental patient—doing both is just overkill.
17. Chris Berman, ESPN
I think we can all agree that after 30 years on the air at ESPN, nobody expects much from Chris Berman in terms of fashion. That's just his nature—he's a jovial, politically incorrect goofball—and you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
But all that aside, he's still on television! Presumably ESPN employs a number of people whose sole responsibility is to tend to the appearance of their on-air talent. Which means Berman has constant access to professionals who groom him, dress him and cover him in globs of makeup.
So there's absolutely no reason he should regularly look like this (also: see photo) on national television. It's borderline criminal when he's rocking that mustache of his.
16. Shaquille O'Neal, NBA on TNT
For the most part, I've always given Shaquille O'Neal a pass on his many fashion faux pas—it cannot be easy to find quality duds to fit such an enormous frame. However, now that he's retired, my thoughts on the matter have changed.
Shaq is very rich, so he can afford a decent wardrobe. Shaq works far less than part-time, so he has plenty of time to go shopping. And Shaq loves to trash talk, which means he shouldn't leave himself open for public ridicule.
In short, it's time for Superman to grow up because Dwight Howard is the NBA's overgrown man-boy now.
15. Hope Solo, U.S. Women's Soccer
Soccer star Hope Solo's off-the-field career has really taken off in the last couple of years. In 2011, Solo was featured in ESPN: The Magazine's always buzzed-about Body Issue and competed on ABC's Dancing with the Stars.
Despite her newfound fame, Solo continues to show up in public looking like this. Perhaps we should take it as a good sign that all the fame hasn't gone to her head, but I'm not a "glass half full" kinda gal.
Solo is obviously no fashionista, and neither am I, but she is a successful adult who should know how to dress for a public event.
Pull yourself together or stay home, baby.
14. Michael Irvin, NFL Network
You never know what you're going to get with retired wide receiver and current NFL analyst Michael Irvin. His fashion choices tend run the gamut from conservative and classic to shocking and weird.
He just needs to pick something and go with it. Is Irvin just a regular dude in glasses and a nice fitted sweater? Or is he a flamboyant over-the-top personality in the knee-length, cherry-red silk suit?
I'm fairly certain you can't be both. Quit confusing us, dude.
13. Brian Wilson, San Francisco Giants
When Giants pitcher Brian Wilson rolled up to the ESPYs dressed to the nines in his finest spandex tuxedo and donning a fashion cane, I absolutely loved it.
Wilson frantically paced the red carpet before getting in an impromptu workout with some lunges, and his actions and behavior became stranger as the night wore on—I ate it all up with a spoon. Seriously, loved it.
Now I'm over it. And I'm pretty sure you're over it as well, assuming you were ever...under it. Everyone has at least one friend who laughs too loud, never lets a joke die and always leaves the party an hour too late—Wilson is that friend.
It's time to try something new, chief. Oh, and it's not new if it involves a faux hawk.
12. Tony Sparano, New York Jets
Remember the two-year long saga about Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano and all the uncertainty about whether he was going to keep his job? The whole thing was ridiculously drawn out because the end was a forgone conclusion from day one.
Right or wrong—looks matter. And they matter a lot more in a sun-soaked bikini heaven like Miami. The city is about all things superficial, and having a head coach who looks like an extra from a Martin Scorsese film just didn't fit the bill.
He should consider a new look to go with his new job in New York City, although he should have no trouble living up to the standards set by Rex Ryan.
11. Scott Hartnell, Philadelphia Flyers
Philadelphia Flyers agitator Scott Hartnell is a pretty intimidating force on the ice, assuming you haven't seen him off the ice. How could you ever take him seriously again after staring him square in the dream catchers?
Seriously, how does he get away with this in Philly! Better people have had their asses beat down for less in the city of brotherly love.
The NHL isn't known for having particularly stylish players, but you don't have to be a stylish dude to realize that a giant mop of red curly hair and a T-shirt with a couple of dream catchers is a look best saved for a 10-year-old girl.
10. Merril Hoge, ESPN
ESPN football analyst Merril Hoge is about as stubborn and combative a man as you'll find in the sports media. Hoge is always quick to give his opinion, and once he he digs in his heels, there's absolutely no chance he'll reconsider.
Which brings us to his famously oversized ties. If you Google search "Merril Hoge," one of the first suggestions is "Merril Hoge tie," and that's because people on the Internet are collectively aghast at his vast collection of ridiculously oversized novelty ties.
Hoge is well aware of the fact that 100 percent of the population thinks he looks like an idiot, but he remains steadfastly defiant on the issue. Sometimes I think his ties grow larger over the course of a single broadcast.
Merril—would it kill you to let this one go?
9. Pau & Marc Gasol, Lakers & Grizzlies
Spanish basketball playing brothers Pau and Marc Gasol stand out in the NBA for a number of reasons. They're European, they're white and they're both seven-footers—none of which are bad things.
The Grizzly Adams style they both rock, on the other hand, is definitely a bad thing. Thankfully, it's easily remedied—a quick cut and a shave would do wonders for these two.
8. Ben Roethlisberger, Pittsburgh Steelers
It's safe to say that Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger doesn't have the greatest of reputations. Without getting into the dirty details, let's just say that he needs all the help he can get in the image department.
Over the last year, Big Ben has tried to clean up himself and his image with varying levels of success. Obviously, this haircut did him no favors.
My advice to Ben: Avoid sweatpants, mullets, tank tops and college bars at all costs.
7. Alexander Ovechkin, Washington Capitals
On the ice, Capitals superstar Alexander Ovechkin is an imposing physical force and one of the most dynamic playmakers the NHL has ever seen. Off the ice, Capitals superstar Alexander Ovechkin is basically a total slob.
Outside of a red-carpet event, Ovi is almost always wearing the exact same thing—a T-shirt (in the winter) or tank top (in the summer), a gold necklace, sweatpants (pulled up to his knees when it's warm), flip flops (year round) and sometimes he pairs it with the backwards ball cap.
Being the most eligible bachelor in Russia and a national treasure, Ovi doesn't have to try hard, but that's exactly why he should.
6. Craig Sager, NBA on TNT
NBA reporter Craig Sager is basically the Don Cherry of America, but without his penchant for saying horrifyingly inappropriate things—a good thing for Sager, because in this country people lose their jobs when they say hateful things on national television.
Plenty of people in broadcasting have a "hook" to make them memorable to the audience—obviously stupid suits are Sager's hook. Some people like it, most other people (like me) hate it, but everyone remembers it.
But now that Sager's been in the business nearly 40 years, he should really consider retiring the gimmick. There's a fine line between being in on the joke and being the butt of the joke, and Sager crossed it decades ago.
5. Venus & Serena Williams, Tennis
Venus and (especially) Serena Williams are two of the greatest female athletes of all time, but it seems they create far more headlines with their garish wardrobe than anything tennis related.
The Williams sisters are attractive, athletically gifted and (minus Serena's penchant for berating officials) are great role models for young female athletes.
Is it asking to much that they dress the part?
4. Joakim Noah, Chicago Bulls
Whether you love him or hate him for it, there's absolutely no question that Bulls center Joakim Noah marches to the beat of his own drum.
Personally, I like that Noah is a bit of a weirdo—there just aren't very many eccentric characters in the NBA. That being said, sometimes Noah's style/character is so outlandish that he runs the risk of his career being defined by it, as opposed to his play on the court.
Nobody expects Noah to show up in GQ looking like Dwyane Wade, but players always say the NBA is a business—so how about dressing like a professional?
3. Bill Belichick, New England Patriots
Remember back in 2006, when (then) 49ers coach Mike Nolan was denied permission by the NFL to wear a suit and tie on the sideline as a tribute to his father? Nolan was persistent and eventually the NFL relented—allowing suits to be worn at all home games the next season.
So head coaches aren't allowed to wear suits and players are fined for wearing the wrong color shoes or socks, but it's perfectly permissible for Bill Belichick to look like this at the Super Bowl—and every other game of the season for that matter.
Well that makes tons of sense, as usual. The NFL is beyond ridiculous sometimes.
2. John Daly, PGA
A while back John Daly, the PGA's preeminent train wreck, was aggressively trying to clean up his act. He lost weight, cut back on the hooch and didn't get arrested for being a public nuisance at Hooters.
Unfortunately he didn't take a stab at addressing the wardrobe that has made him a laughing stock whether or not he's drunk and/or getting arrested.
Daly's problem with alcohol abuse has been well documented, so it really doesn't help his image when he shows up all over the world looking like he got dressed in a dark room with a bottle of scotch.
If Daly ever really wants to repair his image, he has to start with his wardrobe.
1. Jim Irsay, Indianapolis Colts
You might be thinking that Colts owner Jim Irsay looks bad here, but not that bad—which is true. And who knows, maybe he was trying to look like a smarmy Mafia Don—in which case, he was spot-on.
The problem with Irsay is that unlike John Daly, whose Bozo the Clown ensemble likely runs about $30, this meticulously tailored abomination probably set him back a cool $10Gs. That's right! That garish pinstriped spectacle costs more than most people make in four months of work.
Paying out the nose, only to look like slightly less of an idiot than John Daly is a waste of money. Instead, perhaps Irsay should use some of his suit budget to pay the quarterback who carried "The Horseshoe" on his back for a decade and won him a Super Bowl.
Or Irsay can continue to jerk Manning around, publicly besmirch his good name and engage in various other behaviors that prove what a slimy, attention-grubbing worm he is.