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The Florida Gators Are Your BCS National Champions

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The Florida Gators Are Your BCS National Champions

I will not lie, right now, I am cringing.

I am in sheer pain. I want to punch a hole in my roof.

Yes, my roof. Not my wall, my roof.

Because, for oh so many reasons, I am sitting in a chair writing about the Gators, while just 20 minutes away, the city of Gainesville is being burnt to the ground in celebration.

So I guess I will have to make best of what I have been handed.

Enough with my pity party: THE GATORS ARE BCS NATIONAL CHAMPIONS!

I was amped all day for this game and when it finally came, I could hardly contain myself.

For the record, I made the following predictions before the game:

  • If Sam Bradford attempts more than 40 passes, the Sooners will lose.
  • The Sooner tight ends would wreck havoc all over the Florida secondary.
  • Tim Tebow will take over the second half.
  • The Gators will win 45-35.
  • A Bradford pick would seal the win.

I'm sure you all watched the game, so I am not going to give you a mere review. I am going to let you see it through a Gator fan's eyes.

First Quarter

Just what the hell is going on? Wasn't everyone predicting the scoreboard to break cause of all the scoring?

And why the hell haven't we sacked Bradford like six times? Where is that SEC speed?

In idiot-ville, that's where. No, that was not a reference to Gaineville.

Anybody who thought this game would be a blowout is an idiot. Or at least reads too much into numbers.

So, it is 0-0. There goes my prediction.

 

Second Quarter

Ok, a little better. Harvin is going to be effective all game. I'm glad he sat out the SEC Championship. He is fresh.

Ref, that was a horse collar and you know it. Rainey is hurt and you didn't do shit.

Wait a second, there is that high-octane Oklahoma offense. They are running and gunning all over us.

7-7. Whew, could have been 21-7. Way to step up defense!

 

Half-time

I'm glad the BCS learned something. Nobody watches this. Remember the 2004 Orange Bowl? Ashlee Simpson got booed...badly.

Nice work giving the bands the spotlight.

 

Third Quarter

Tebow is pulling a Vince Young right in front of our very eyes. That third down conversion? Brilliant.

The Sooners offense is where it needs to be, the sideline.

Harvin and Hernandez are simply outstanding tonight.

 

Fourth Quarter

Oh lord, here comes Bradford. I get scared every time I see those coaches do the...whatever it is they are doing on the sideline.

Tied game? Gresham (a tight end) scores again? Tebow, it is time to work your magic.

17-14, great work. Now it is time for that SEC defense.

*Pick* Did I call that, or did I CALL THAT?!?!

A touchdown virtually seals it, Gators. Let's see it, Tebow.

3:07 left. My dad pulls out his phone to call my brother to tell him to be careful downtown.

I tell him to put that sum bitch away 'cause this is college football. I've seen some crazy comebacks. Remember USC and Texas?

*Bradford's fourth-down pass drops to the grass*

It is OVER.

Tebow, you have surpassed Danny Wuerffel and Chris Leak to become the greatest Florida quarterback of all-time.

 

Post-game

Congratulations to the Florida Gators—2008 BCS Champions!

And thank you, Oklahoma. You gave us the fight we deserved. You have no shame, for you gave your all.

*Pull out my cell phone* conversation with brother.

Me: Dude, are you downtown?

Brother: ssshhhaaasssshhhhaaaassssshhhaaaa

Me: That is a yes. Goddammit.

Brother: sssshhhaaasssshhhhaaasshhha

What the hell do I do? I must be the only person in Gainesville not at University Ave. right now! Ugh, I hate my life.

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