WWE: 5 Reasons Fans Should Be Glad They Are Not the Big Show

Barry SaundersContributor IIIFebruary 29, 2012

WWE: 5 Reasons Fans Should Be Glad They Are Not the Big Show

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    Exceptional athlete...good human being…great entertainer; Paul Wight aka the Big Show has been in the business since 1995 and has done it all. Big Show has held multiple world championships, and is the first man to hold the WWE, WCW, World Heavyweight, and ECW championships. He has done it all….at a price.

    Come on…how easy can it be to walk around as “the World’s Largest Athlete” in a world where bigger is not always better. Here are five reasons why we smaller guys should be glad we are not the Big Show…

Big Hands…Small Phones

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    I am 6". Ok…5’11" and three-quarters, but I just round up to six to make myself feel better. I just got an Android phone, and I hate the small keypad.

    Then I asked myself, WDBSD? What does Big Show do? Then I really thought about it. Damn...if I punch two “keys” on my cell when I only meant to hit one…how does he manage to type a text out. I bet his voice texting feature works overtime!!!

    Wait...what did Big Show do before the voice texting feature?

Have a Seat…ok…Where?

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    Does Show go to the movies? I just saw “Chronicle” the other day, and we sat in the middle of a row, and after an hour, my left knee was on fire because I could not stretch it out without kicking the chairs in front of me. Big Show probably cannot even fit in an aisle seat. How unfair is that?

    Show attended Wichita State for a short time and played basketball. I am sure the long bus rides to away games were murder for the big guy. Where does Show sit on a commercial plane? Like I said, I am just 6". I hate flying coach, and first class isn’t that much better. So what does the big guy do…sit in the back where even a deaf person would complain about the engine noise?

    I doubt Show, who might be all for the preservation of our environment, will ever buy a compact car. Hell…can the man fit into a Suburban?

    I am not even going to touch how Show uses a public restroom....

Off the Rack…Only if Its Meat!

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    While we take it for granted, buying clothes off the rack has never been something Big Show got to do. By age 12, he was 6", 200 pounds. Damn...imagine trying to raise him as a teen now with these high food prices...hell, you would have to take out a loan each month to feed him

    I have no idea what his measurements are, but I assure you, even big and tall stores like the Foundry aren’t big and tall enough.

A Bed Fit For…Five Kings!

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    At 7",440 pounds I would be willing to bet he can’t take a jog to the local mattress store and get a king size and call it a day. I heard he has two king sized beds put together.

    But then what about the length, and what woman outside of the Amazon would be brave enough to sleep with the Big Show, for fear of him rolling on top of her in the middle of the night?

Height Requirement for this Ride

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    Show has been married twice.  While I could not find the height exact height for either his current or former wife, one article stated his current wife is of average height. How do they kiss? She must carry a step stool around with her? Now here is a woman who loves to climb mountains.

    Also…he has a daughter…how tall will she be, and can she ever take a guy home to meet dad?

    Now here is one area where I am envious of show...

    Imagine being the young man who dates Show’s daughter and gets to meet Show for the first time. If her curfew is midnight, I bet she is home by 11:05 sharp!

    So the next time you complain about your cell phone typing keys, or the lack of room on a crowded plane, be happy...be grateful...and give the Big Show a prayer for comfort.