Kate Upton Commercial: Carl's Jr. and Hardees Ad Will Break Internet

Ryan KlockeFeatured ColumnistFebruary 27, 2012

Kate Upton is testing the limits of the Internet, every sultry shot and video of her pushing this whole online world we know and love closer to imploding on itself. First came "The Dougie," then the leaked swimsuit cover, then the picture with Tebow (we're approaching critical mass here) and finally, what you see above. 

Thanks, Carl's Jr. Not only do you stuff us full of 375,000 calories per meal, but you push this Web of ours to the brink of destruction. How much more can it really take? The Internet is Scotty, and Upton is Kirk, demanding, wanting, necessitating more out of an already stressed vessel pushing the limits of what is possible. 

Really, we're one Kate Upton and Jeremy Lin TMZ shot of this whole thing going kaput. Imagine that?

I'd be out of a job. Your co-workers could no longer look at cat pictures. You'd be screwed come fantasy football season. Teenagers would actually have to talk to people—O.M.G. Let's not get started on all the students out there. Remember when Wikipedia went down for a day? (It's called "cached," use it.)

All because of you, Kate. All because of you are a well-proportioned mixture of blonde gorgeousness who looks even better while wearing polka dots, sitting in the back of a convertible and eating whatever jalapeno-stuffed contraption that will test the limits of 99 percent of Americans' waistlines. 

Of course, I'm not the only person upset about this. But the degrees vary. I'm just worried about not having the ability to play Words With Friends on my train ride home. As for Over-reactive Online Commenter Person? This is of course the downfall of society:

  • "I thought it was tacky and disturbing that they would go that far when kids are watching too, its sad they have to deal with this now days ... "
  • Borderline pornographic. What has happened to society's mores and values? We seem to have no standards anymore. Anything goes ..."

Now if you wanted to argue that with the Kim Kardashian version, you'd probably find me "liking" your comment. This is nothing new. They did it with Kim K and Paris Hilton, and now they've chosen a Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover girl.

Out of those three choices, Upton is by far the most palatable. She's famous for being gorgeous, the other two are famous because of their cinematic hobbies. You decide. 

Outrage over this ad accomplishes nothing but to make said ad more popular. Making said ad more popular sells more burgers. Oh, and the health thing—don't eat there, then. It's not Kate Upton's fault you order the "large" fries in lieu of hitting Whole Foods for a salad. 

As for breaking the Internet, though? We're onto you, Kate.