You're hosting a gathering on Friday night. How very cool.
You pull out your smart phone and scroll through your address book. It's jam packed with sports star names. Perfect.
But which ones do you invite?
You want this bash to be one for the books, so having the right mix, the right chemistry, the right balance is vital.
Let's delve into your address book and see what kind of guest list we can churn out...
Miami Dolphins RB Reggie Bush is one fun guest at any gathering, but apparently he also has some major turntable talent.
In February of 2012, he DJ'ed a party for Wilmer Valderrama. He did such a job of it that the gossip circuit was wondering if he'd be exchanging pigskin for vinyl full time.
Jeremy Lin? He's so serious and humble in interviews. What are the chances he'll knock back some Heines and doff his wild man cap? I'd say zero to none.
But who cares?
He's the "it" man. We need him.
Imagine the train of hot groupies who'll follow him in the door.
Orton is apparently a sultan of celebration.
His impressive imbibing skills have earned him the nickname "The Bottle." There are pages dedicated to him on drunkathlete.com. There's an open group on Facebook called "I Wanna Party With Kyle Orton" (currently one member strong).
This guy has mad party skills, and you need to invite him.
These boys like to drink and make no apologies for it.
As Flyers, they refused to set foot on Dry Island. As Kings, they party like royalty. Also, Jeff and Mike seem to know the wingman game—and know it well.
Teach us, oh great ones, come to the party and teach us.
Kane, of the Chicago Blackhawks, gets far more media attention for his fierce partying than he does for his game.
Just google "Patrick Kane drunk" or "Patrick Kane partying" or even just "Patrick Kane" and you'll never run out of juicy reading material or scandalous photos.
Also, the guy apparently has an in with Heff, so maybe he'll show up at your bash with a few bunnies in tow...
You have officially become a major league drinker when you get a cameo in Moe's bar.
Top that with getting drunk and crashing a wedding in Mexico? Well now we're talking Drinking Hall of Fame candidacy.
Invite him, and perhaps he'll bring along some Duff girls from Springfield and a piñata from south of the border.
Houston Texans QB Matt Leinart should be playing hockey; he has already scored a hat trick on drunkathlete.com.
That's right, a whopping three appearances.
Sure, invite him. Just, er, how do I put this delicately...? Keep your ear away from his tongue. Dude gets a little overly friendly when he's had one too many.
Any guy who spends a million bucks on a party gets an invite.
Let that be a steadfast rule.
I mean, think of the leftovers Gilbert probably has around his house: bottles of Cristal, bottles of Johnny Walker Blue Label, tins of the finest Baltic caviar...
Heck, he might even have strippers on retainer.
Hold the phone!
Look over this guest list thus far. You have 10 dudes on the list. What if they don't bring along their lady friends?
You could be looking at a dreaded pickle party. A sausage fest. A bros-only bash. Best to get some females on your list, stat.
But Michelle Wie. Sweet little Michelle?
Well, dig deep; amidst the recipes and innocent observations in Michelle's blog, you may find a few entries that not so subtly hint at a wild nature waiting to break free.
Invite her—be that liberating force.
Jenn is an ultra-marathoning legend.
But as impressive as it is that she can run 100 miles at a blistering pace, it's even more impressive when you consider that she can do it only hours after going on a bender.
Christopher McDougall's nonfiction book Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen portrays her as a wild, carefree young lady who eats and drinks whatever she wants whenever she wants.
Shelton says she's mellowed, but suspicions remain that her inner party beast is just lying dormant for a time.
Wake up, beast!
Golfer Natalie Gulbis is walking scrumptiousness.
But she's also quite the social creature. In fact, you probably didn't realize it, but you were invited to her 26th birthday extravaganza. Seriously, you were.
A woman that hot, who is so accessible to ordinary Joes...well, she needs to be at your gathering.
OK, so these ladies need to work on their gyrations. But at least they love to dance and aren't shy. And as long as they show up to your bash in those short shorts, I'm pretty sure you won't hear any complaints.
Who is she, you ask? Why should you invite her?
Meet Mai Sato, world's greatest pole dancer.
She takes it so seriously that she wants it to be an Olympic sport (don't we all?).
If it's a costume party, you'll definitely need to invite Aussie pole vaulter Melanie Adams in this insanely sexy Wonder Woman number.
If it's NOT a costume party, you'll definitely need to invite Aussie pole vaulter Melanie Adams in this insanely sexy Wonder Woman number.