The rise of New York Knicks point guard Jeremy Lin was so sudden and meteoric, that it's only a matter of time before someone decides to make a movie about it. Lin's story is as unexpected and interesting as any piece of fiction out there.
But casting needs to begin now if anyone hopes to truly capitalize on the global "Linsanity," because you never know when the next big thing is going to come along.
Casting actors in pretend movies is actually a hobby of mine—so I decided to get a head start on casting for Linsanity: The Movie.
Let's take a look!
NBA commissioner David Stern would be played by...
The Role: DeVito plays a comically short, dangerously unhinged version of NBA commissioner David Stern, the unlikable diminutive overlord of the NBA. Stern has taken to playing NBA God these days—like vetoing trades and deciding when, where, why and how Jeremy Lin will be allowed to participate in All-Star Weekend.
Suddenly he begins showing up to games, league events and press conferences completely sauced—everyone is concerned, but curious enough to let it go on without intervention. Essentially he's just playing DeVito dressed as Stern.
Harvard coach Tommy Amaker would be played by...
The Role: Laz Alonso plays Tommy Amaker, the suddenly attention hungry coach of the Harvard basketball team who seems to be remembering more and more about Lin's time at Harvard every day. After all, "Linsanity" has blown up to such a degree that we're probably two days away from a media interview exclusive with that couch Lin used to sleep on.
Enter Harvard coach Tommy Amaker—who is absolutely basking in the newfound fame he stumbled into. Amaker has never heard from a reporter that he wasn't willing to dish with—apparently Harvard athletics don't keep him very busy.
Will Amaker stick to the truth, or will he re-write history to elevate himself?
ESPN reporter Rachel Nichols would be played by...
The Role: Fisher plays ESPN reporter Rachel Nichols who is along for the roller coaster ride that is "Linsanity." Nichols is the real deal. The network doesn't have her chained to a desk in Bristol like so many of their taking heads who aren't allowed to say or do anything that isn't on a teleprompter.
Nichols not only provides a much needed grounded, unsensational media take on the story—her interviews with Lin and his teammates serve as the narration that pulls the plot together.
Warriors general manager Larry Riley would be played by...
The Role: Coster plays Warriors general manager Larry Riley as he struggles control his building rage and resentment at the media's sensational treatment of Lin.
(Coster can relate to bad business decisions since he's been making bad career decisions for decades—The Postman, Message in a Bottle, Dragonfly, The Upside of Anger, Rumor Has It—any of those ring a bell? Probably not, since nobody saw them.)
There is probably nobody on earth that is ready to put the lid on "Linsanity" more than Riley. In case you haven't heard—the Warriors cut Lin awhile back and now the Knicks are awesome and the Warriors are still the Warriors.
Will the media circus eventually die down, or will Riley have to turn to the bottle to help drown out the noise?
Warriors coach Mark Jackson would be played by...
The Role: Notoriously cranky actor Terrence Howard would play Mark Jackson. As "Linsanity" builds and builds, so does the frustration of Jackson.
This is the first head coaching position of his career and cutting Jeremy Lin was basically the first and last move of his entire career—at least that's how history will see it, depending on how this story plays out.
Knicks reporter Jill Martin would be played by...
The Role: Lindsay Lohan plays Knicks reporter Jill Martin—a small, but impactful part that shares screen time with the major leads, but comes with less responsibility.
(It seems actress Lindsay Lohan has grown bored with her work as a professional train wreck and is looking to make a comeback as a serious actress—this could be just the right move)
Jill Martin is a reporter for the Knicks and a contributor to the pre-game, halftime and post-game shows at Madison Square Garden.
The head coach of the Knicks would be played by...
The Role: Offerman plays Knicks coach Mike D'Antoni—who saved Jeremy Lin's job...or was it the other way around? Nobody knows, and D'Antoni sure doesn't care—he's just loving the new found success and the bright shining spotlight permanently positioned on his Knicks.
Eventually the glow wears off and he starts to become quietly concerned that the bottom is going to fall out on his team.
Knicks superstar Carmelo Anthony would be played by...
The Role: Rapper/actor T.I. plays Knicks superstar Carmelo Anthony who was brought to town to be the savior of the franchise, but things haven't worked exactly to plan.
After being sidelined with an injury, Melo's world is turned upside down by the emergence of Jeremy Lin. Anthony struggles on the court with injuries and struggles off the court coming to terms with the "Linsanity" phenomenon.
Lala Vazquez would be played by...
The Role: Actress Meagan Good plays Lala Vazquez, Mrs. Carmelo Anthony. Vazquez is usually the strong and unflappable force in Melo's life, but behind closed doors it's her that is struggling.
Vazquez's desire for an acting career was said to be one of the driving forces behind Melo's trade to New York—she doesn't like the idea of taking a backseat to a kid who was unemployed in December.
Maybe Melo, never known as a self player, will be able to coexist peacefully with Lin—but can Lala do the same?
The Knicks Amar'e Stoudemire would be played by...
The Role: Actor Lance Gross plays Knicks forward Amar'e Stoudemire—who is suddenly relegated to role-player status with the emergence of Jeremy Lin.
Will team success be enough to keep Stoudemire content in his new role, or will he start looking for ways to get out of New York?
The Knicks Tyson Chandler would be played by...
The Role: Actor Michael Ealy plays veteran center Tyson Chandler who was signed with the Knicks in the offseason—he won a ring with the Mavericks in 2011, and it doesn't seem like much phases.
Chandler knows that assuming a greater leadership role on the team could be the key to making this whole thing work—but is he ready to step into that position after being a role player most of his career?
Kim Kardashian would be played by...
The Role: Actress Megan Fox has a small part as Kim Kardashian. Everyone knows Kim K. has a thing for athletes and attention—after being rejected by Tim Tebow, she sets her sights on Jeremy Lin.
Lin isn't interested, but Kim isn't one to give up on something she wants without a fight and does everything in her power to entice him. How far will she go?
ESPN's most irritating, Skip Bayless, would be played by...
The Role: Actor Steve Buscemi would play and increasingly unhinged Skip Bayless whose incessant need to talk about Tim Tebow, and compare him to Jeremy Lin via stupid puns, threatens to ruin another once promising career.
Can Bayless be stopped before it's too late?
The man of the hour, Jeremy Lin, would be played by...
The Role: Actor John Cho would play Knicks point guard Jeremy Lin, who goes from benchwarmer to global sensation in a matter of days. Lin can win and he has an almost magical ability to say exactly the right thing in every situation.
It seems almost unfathomable that he and the Knicks will come crashing down—but what if they do? Will Lin handle adversity with the same ease?
The Role: NBA analysts Charles Barkley and Reggie Miller appear as themselves. Barkley provides occasionally insightful, always amusing commentary and Miller mostly just sits there.
Director Spike Lee is such a staple at Madison Square Garden, it would be criminally negligent to make a movie about the Knicks without including him. And since Lee has time to attend every single Knicks game, he probably has time to play himself in the movie.