Judging on the title, I assume you've already figured out that I did not enjoy WWE's Elimination Chamber Pay-Per-View.
The match card going into the Pay-Per-View was not very good to begin with, but I was optimistic that with this being WrestleMania season—creative might actually be "creative" and do something creative.
I will break down every match on the card and tell you specifically why I disliked what I saw. Some of you may agree, and some of you may not. I extend to you an invitation to comment on what you agreed with and what you did not. I want your thoughts, so without further ado—let's get to the review.
WWE RAW's Elimination Chamber for the WWE Championship
C.M. Punk (c) defeats The Miz, Chris Jericho, Kofi Kingston, Dolph Ziggler and R-Truth.
This match quality-wise was not bad. There was a lot of good back-and-fourth action, which I am a fan of. C.M. Punk won the match after being one of the first men to compete in the match, making him look like an even better and stronger champion going into Miami.
The Miz, who has fallen out of the good graces of the WWE, also looked strong in this match—even Kofi Kingston looked strong.
Now let's get to the bad parts of this match. First off, R-Truth was an embarrassment in this match. I didn't have a stopwatch, but I'm guessing he was in the match for eight minutes before being eliminated. For a guy WWE is trying to book as a top face, he sure hasn't looked like one the past two Pay-Per-Views.
Next we have "The Best in the World at What He Does" Chris Jericho. Unless what Jericho does is get knocked out from a kick to the head, then yes—he indeed is the best in the world at what he does.
I have never been a fan of the "unable-to-compete" gimmick, and it made me want to throw up right here. It made Jericho look like a sis bag, oh my head hurts. I was hoping that maybe Jericho was faking the injury and would shoot right up—nope that didn't happen.
It was also very badly done by WWE on the realism aspect. If one of your performers is seriously hurt and unresponsive, wouldn't you carry him to the back as soon as possible?
Or, is that just for when Zack Ryder gets "hurt"?
C.M. Punk winning (although I didn't mind because he has had one of the strongest-title reigns in a long time) was quite predictable and an ongoing trend for the entire night. The match itself was nothing special, the only thing people will remember about this match is Kofi Kingston doing a cross body off the top of a pod—other than that—nothing special.
Beth Phoenix (c) defeats Tamina in a Singles Match for the WWE Divas Championship
This match was actually pretty good by women's wrestling in WWE standards. Tamina has received a decent push, and Beth Phoenix—although stale—has been booked to be dominant. Going into this match I expected Beth Phoenix to win.
And guess what? She did.
Creative once again let us down by not having anything exciting happen, like I don't know—an appearance by Kharma, the woman everyone and their mother thinks is gonna face Beth at WrestleMania.
SmackDown's Elimination Chamber Match for the World Heavyweight Championship
Daniel Bryan (c) defeats Santino Marella, Wade Barrett, Cody Rhodes, The Big Show and The Great Khali.
First of all, there are a few people in this match that belong no where near this match. So you replace the bona fide main eventers in Randy Orton and Mark Henry with a guy who is a joke on purpose, and a guy who is a joke by accident?
The fact is The Great Khali cannot wrestle, which the crowd loudly chanted as soon as he stepped his clumsy ass in the ring. He was a waste of a Chamber spot, as he was eliminated in about 48 seconds.
Now I bring my attention to Santino—yeah I get it he's funny, and I like him too. But he does not belong near the main event of a World Title Match. I was hoping that Christian would attack Santino before the match and take his spot in this because I really did not expect WWE to sink so low as to actually have him compete in this match—but once again—nope.
The worst part about this match was the end, after Wade Barrett was pinned by Santino Marella (which does wonders for his push).
Who in their right mind thought he had a snowball's chance to win the match?
Daniel Bryan predictably won this match in an average match. The only cool part about this match was when Big Show actually climbed into the pod with Bryan by breaking the chains—but that's it. Also after the match, Sheamus ripped off Finlay once again and dropped Bryan.
Singles Match for the WWE United States Championship
Jack Swagger (c) (w/ Vickie Guerrero) defeats Justin Gabriel (w/ Hornswoggle).
There is nothing I hate more on Pay-Per-Views than when they put in throw-in matches. This match was garbage and was something you should be watching on television. Swagger won, which was predictable because Swagger needs a prop to stay relevant, and Justin Gabriel is nothing more then a spot monkey.
By the way, can someone tell me why he suddenly is Hornswoggle's best friend?
I tell you that little guy goes through best friends faster than Dolph Ziggler lost all his steam.
SuperCena rises above the hate
That's right. John Cena did the unthinkable and came out on top completely wasting over two months of everyone's time.
What was the point of this feud after seeing how it ended?
There were people who thought this feud would lead to Cena finally getting rid of his stale-ass character and turning heel—but now we find out the tool will remain his same boy scout-boring self.
Not only will Cena remain this way, but he completely buried Kane's image in this match. Kane now looks weak after being AA'd of a car and thrown into an ambulance.
Kane also failed to get Cena to embrace the hate, which was the whole point of this damn thing. The match itself was fine, I enjoyed the ambulance spot as well as the steel-step shots by Cena to Kane (Kane sold those like beast, Cena should take notes).
Overall I hated the predictability of this Pay-Per-View. Nothing shocking or exciting happened, nor were there any title changes. This was nothing more then a glorified three-hour edition of Raw, which in my opinion, was very forgetful and had little to no importance to WrestleMania.
I almost forgot to mention that Alberto Del Rio, Mark Henry and Christian made their returns tonight to back John Laurinaitis' claim that he should be permanent general manager of both Raw and SmackDown.
That was his big announcement?
Something he already said on Raw?
That was a waste of time. And we learned that David Otunga cannot be trusted to take pictures.