Just thought I'd enlighten the world with some gutsy predictions sure to go wrong for the 2008 MLB season.
These predictions are meant for entertainment purposes, so no one should write on my bulletin board at the end of the year saying that Barry Bonds did not end up serving life in Guantanamo Bay.
On that note, let's begin...
- Despite predictions from Jimmy Rollins and Carlos Beltran about their teams, they will be the teams chasing all season and will be forced to watch as the Atlanta Braves regain the NL East.
- New plans for a classy $450,000,000 ballpark for the Tampa Bay Rays will go down the drains when owners realize they own the Tampa Bay Rays.
- Kyle Kendrick will deliver an inspired year for the Phillies after an ingenious prank and will never again eat hot dogs or enjoy the Nathan's 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Contest.
- Totally unrelated, Brett Myers will be found dead in a Philadelphia dumpster by the end of July.
- Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Chuck Knoblauch, and other confirmed steroid users will be still hated by the American public. Brian McNamee however, will become an American hero.
- Francisco Liriano will leave Minnesota Twins fans saying "Johan ...who?"
- Baltimore's goal this season: Lose by less points than the Baltimore Ravens do, something they couldn't accomplish last season.
- Lou Piniella will learn as many Japanese swear words as he can to welcome in new outfieldfer Kosuke Fukodome.
- Tickets to the 2008 MLB All-Star Game in Yankee Stadium will be harder to get than a confession from Roger Clemens.
- The Arizona Diamondbacks will be the team to beat in the NL West, and possibly in the entire National League.
- David Wright will win the NL MVP, sparking the "best third baseman in New York controversy," which will be quieted when Alex Rodriguez wins his fourth AL MVP
- The Colorado Rockies will be the American Sweethearts once again at the end of the season, but they will fall short in the NL wild card race.
- Joba-Mania will be outdone only by Shelley Duncan's unexpected resurgence.
- Now that he's adjusted to life back in the MLB, Rich Ankiel will put up decent numbers: .290 AVG, 24 HR, and 95 RBI.
- Seattle Mariners will be the unexpected dark horses of the American League, with the 1-2 punch of Erik Bedard and Felix Hernandez, and will be aided by a comeback year from Richie Sexson.
- The New York Yankees will sweep at least one series with the Boston Red Sox, and will win their division over the Sox by at least 3 games.
- Josh Beckett will win the 2008 AL Cy Young in a very close race with Justin Verlander and Erik Bedard.
- Detroit will win the AL Central with one of the highest ranking offenses in history, but they will lose in the ALDS beacuse of shoddy pitching.
- Cleveland will get the wild card by once more riding the coat tails of C.C. Sabathia.
- New York will win the NL Wild Card, but Johan Santana will not win 20 games for the 4th straight season.
- Barry Zito will sadly be alone in his "Dont blame me, blame Barry" T-shirt, as will the entire San Fransico Giants, who will finish in the cellar of the NL West.
- Houston Astros will have yet another uninspired season in the heart of Texas, and finish near the bottom of the NL Comedy Central.
- Sadly, something will happen to the Chicago Cubs after they win the NL Central, NLDS, then crumble in the NLCS, making it 100 years since they've won a world series.
- The NL Cy Young will be won by Carlos Zambrano, followed closely by Brandon Webb.
- Joe Girardi will win the AL Manager of the Year award, calling for the debate of whether anyone with a head and two arms and two legs could win with the Yankees.
- Lou Piniella will win NL Manager of the Year.
- ALDS : New York Yankees over Cleveland Indians.
- ALDS : Detroit Tigers over Seattle Mariners.
- NLDS : Chicago Cubs over Atlanta Braves.
- NLDS : New York Mets over Arizona Diamondbacks.
- ALCS : New York Yankees over Detroit Tigers.
- NLCS : New York Mets over Chicago Cubs.
WORLD SERIES: New York Yankees over New York Mets
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7 months ago
Good swipe at the Tampa Bay owners. All around a great post. I find myself in agreement with you on a lot of these predictions. I hope Liriano comes back this year. I think Johan wins the NL Cy Young, I just see him dominating the NL. I think Arizona is weaker, especially since they traded their ace closer to the Astros for some deadwood the 'Stros were peddling.
from 7 months ago
You can just see the Rays owners sitting at winter meetings deciding what to do, then one of them standing up and saying "Goddamn it people, we own the Tampa Bay Rays, what do you expect to happen?"
7 months ago
are you joking about the Red Sox missing the play-offs? because even as a yankee fan i cannot honestly say that the yankees will make it and the Sox won't.
7 months ago
hahah, just a great article in general
7 months ago
Shelley Duncan's unexpected resurgence? Joba will actually be playing this season. Also, resurgence implies that he was once surging...
7 months ago
wow, perhaps a new york fan wrote this? Yanks/Mets. Rips the Phillies. Red Sox dont make the playoffs. This is a fairly biased writing.
7 months ago
If you're making predictions SURE to go wrong, how could you have not picked the Pirates to win it all? :)
7 months ago
$450 stadium. Wow, I've got a bat that cost more than that...
from 7 months ago
woops, supposed to be 450 mil
7 months ago
Don't forget Joe Mauer's sideburns coming in second in AL MVP voting
7 months ago
Did I fall asleep and miss the Yankees signing a bunch of starting pitching?
7 months ago
Let's remember the title of this article before chastising any of the predictions...
7 months ago
Okay those are definitely ballsy and it is a good read.
But.
Yankees and Mets?
To quote Bill Walton... GAG me with a spoon...
6 months ago
umm are you kidding me? there the YANKEES of course they will win! red sox will make the playoffs but get eliminated first round courtesy of schilling returning to the team.
6 months ago
(booming thunder and clouds parting...a voice cuts the air)
"Those that underestimate the Rays will get their butts kicked."
(voice exits, sky returns to normal as awe-struck crowd considers Tampa's much improved pitching led by Scott Kazmir [239Ks] and James Shields [described by ESPN as "finishing the season with more wins then any NYY or BOS starter]
some other stuff
1.Fastest man in the majors Carl Crawford
2.Pena with 46HR 121RBIs last year and looking the same this spring (a pair of 3-run shots just Yesterday and Today.)
3.BJ Upton poised to have a breakout year.
4.More depth in AAA and the majors then any of these - NYY, BOS, DET, NYM.
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