You guys hear there’s some sort of a game this weekend?
You know what I do every year between the last Championship game and sometime towards the end of the marathon Super Bowl pre-game show? I DO NOT WATCH NFL COVERAGE. This will be my third straight year and I gotta tell ya, it’s fantastic. No longer do I care about what made up quotes or storylines they’ve had time to come up with. I don’t care about what C-list celebrity thinks about who is going to win. I don’t care that every sports person is broadcasting live from Indianapolis this week.
*side rant* What a corporate-sports sham that broadcasting from location has become. You can’t tell me that it adds to anything other than the same few recycled guests going from each other’s sets. I bet (because that’s what this is all about right?) it’s a con to get the employers to let these guys hang out for a week and go to strip clubs. You can’t tell me Mike Golic isn’t making it rain every night of this week in some sleaze ball establishment. I will not support that type of behavior.
So here are my last picks of the 2011 season. For the playoffs, my record is 13-7 including 4-0 last week. Because you need to get crazy in front of people you probably only are casual friends with, I’ve included ten prop bets to give you something to talk about.
Never forget – there is only one winner this weekend – whatever third world country gets the losing team’s “winning” t-shirt air-dropped to them like the bomb in the movie OUTBREAK. As a Geography genius, I’ve often wondered how this country was chosen. Socio-economic data? On the ground research of lack of cotton apparel? Is it rotated between continents? Can you give Patriots to a country that might really need it but is under a Dictator? These are the type of things I hope the NFL considers but they are probably spending their time trying to fine some elderly residents of Del Boca Vista on infringement for hosting a hip replacement charity viewing party centered around the Super Bowl. Alas, I’ve enjoyed making everyone money for yet another year. Winning is what we at The Hazean are all about.
NY GIANTS +3 vs. New England Patriots – I understand why the Patriots are favored but every analysis/trend/stat I run points to the Giants being the better team since midway through the season. I would love to grab a 3.5 out there but I anticipate the line actually going down if anything. Don’t fall into the trap that New England is “due” or “revenge” or any other manufactured storyline that has no bearing on the actual game. Bottom line is the Giants offense can match New England (especially with a slightly gimp Gronk) and their defense is much better at generating pressure. No reason to stop riding the Giants now.
NY Giants/NE Patriots OVER 54.5 – If you have been following this column this year and especially the playoffs, you are aware I’m a big UNDER player. However, I have this game in the low 60’s. I like the Giants to get into the 30’s for sure and show a score of 35-27. Eli has three fantastic WR that will carve up a New England secondary that hasn’t been tested in several months. I’m also not worried about the ability of New England to get theirs at some point either. If nothing else, you want to be the guy at your Super Bowl party rooting for fun things to happen. Nothing is more fun than points. Hot tubs. Maybe hot tubs, but I would bet against you watching the Super Bowl in a hot tub. If you are, then I’m impressed.
Eli Manning TD Passes OVER 2 1/2 +160 – What’s not to like here? If I think that the Giants get into the thirties scoring points then Eli will throw for at least three touchdowns……and I’m getting plus money to do it.
Longest touchdown scored OVER 51 1/2 yards +105 – These teams (Welker, Cruz) are no strangers to long scores and both the QBs will definitely try.
Will a team score 3 times in a row? YES +150 –In a high scoring game, this happens more often than not. Seems like it shouldn’t but it always does.
MVP of game – Victor Cruz 12/1, Hakeem Nicks 14/1 – I would love to throw Manningham out there since he’ll be covered by Edelman or someone similar but these two have the higher game play to this point. With these odds, I’ll take both of them and hope lightning strikes. Personally, I’ll also throw Manningham in here.
The Patriots will convert a 4th down attempt +115 – Bill Belichek is the Les Miles of the NFL. This will happen.
How many times will David Tyree’s Catch be shown on TV OVER 1 ½ – This will hit by halftime. This was THE DEFINING PLAY of the first matchup.
Will Andrew Luck be mentioned during the Super Bowl OVER/UNDER 1 – I like taking these props that are at 1. All I need is one mention and I’m pushing. Get involved in a Peyton/Irsay conversation and it’s time to collect our winnings.
Kelly Clarkson National Anthem Rendition UNDER 1:34 +100 – A quick YouTube search shows that in several sporting events where she sang it has either been right at this number or below. She seems like a sweet girl. Sweet girls are efficient, if nothing else. *Bonus* if you can get odds (not just a YES bet) on if Kelly will bare her stomach, then bet no. Remember, she’s sweet AND wholesome and I can’t find a picture that shows her revealing her midriff.
Will Madonna be wearing fishnet stockings at any point during the Super Bowl Halftime show YES – Rather than spare you a rant on why Madonna at the halftime show is a sign of the Apocalypse, I’ll say this old hag will want to show off what made her iconic and that’s her veiny things she calls legs.
How many viewers will stream the Super Bowl online? Over/Under 1.5 million – This is easy money. Remember, all those third world countries that could be in the running for free t-shirts will want to see what’s possibly coming their way.