WWE: 7 Ways John Laurinaitis Can Keep His Job on Raw
Lost in all of the Triple H and Undertaker hoopla at the conclusion of the most recent episode of WWE Monday Night Raw is the fact that everybody’s least favorite interim general manager, John Laurinaitis, wasn’t future endeavored. While that’s certainly great news for the artist formerly known as Johnny Ace, it certainly doesn’t mean Laurinaitis is out of the woods yet pertaining to his job security.
Laurinaitis needs to come up with a solid blend of conventional and out-of-the-box tactics in order to keep his job as interim GM for the foreseeable future.
For starters, here are seven ways Laurinaitis can retain his job.
Keep Scheduling Great Matches
If John Laurinaitis can keep booking great matches like he did on the most recent Monday Night Raw, he would go a long way in keeping his lucrative interim general manager job.
People have argued that the card for that show was better than the Royal Rumble pay-per-view, and it’s tough to argue against that sentiment.
The majority of the Randy Orton-Dolph Ziggler match was very competitive and electrifying (that is, until Orton squashed Ziggler at the conclusion). I would personally love to see a CM Punk-Daniel Bryan match every week, as would many other wrestling fans.
And even the Miz-Kofi Kingston undercard match was pretty solid. Organizing more great matches on future Raw episodes could help Laurinaitis become permanent general manager.
Drop David Otunga as Legal Counsel
I think the time has come for John Laurinaitis to future endeavor his legal advisor, the boring David Otunga. When your best trait is the fact that you rock a bow-tie (as is the case for Botunga), you’re in trouble.
If Laurinaitis really wants to keep his Raw general manager gig, he needs a right-hand man capable of influencing him into making very astute decisions on behalf of the show.
Who would that be? I’m glad you asked.
Hire Mick Foley as Personal Consultant
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Mick Foley has become somewhat of a wrestling philosopher at this point in his legendary career.
He has used his Twitter account to give well-deserved props to certain wrestlers. He is also a multiple-time New York Times bestselling author, an accomplishment that’s certainly nothing to scoff at.
Foley also was able to get John Laurinaitis to admit that he intended to screw CM Punk out of the WWE Championship as special guest referee at the Royal Rumble. Instead of bashing Foley over the head with microphones, Laurinaitis would be wise to hire him as his new personal consultant.
With such a steady head on his shoulders, Foley would be capable of guiding Laurinaitis out of the hot water that he has landed in with the WWE board of directors—that is, if Johnny Ace is humble enough to bring Foley on board.
Ditch the Pedantic Introduction
“My name is Mr. John Laurinaitis. I am the executive vice president of talent relations and the INTERIM general manager of Monday Night Raw.”
By now, WWE fans have come to know John Laurinaitis’ introduction all too well—and not for the better. Personally, I find Johnny Ace’s pedantic introduction quite annoying in a funny way, the sign of a clever and effective heel character in the wrasslin’ business.
However, the WWE Universe just finds it quite annoying in an annoying way at this point. If Laurinaitis is to have any hope of winning over the crowd and keeping his general manager job, he has to somehow become less unbearable.
Ditching the lengthy personal introduction is a good start.
Stop Trying to Screw CM Punk
The biggest reason John Laurinaitis suffered through a performance evaluation at the mercy of Triple H is because he let his personal feud with WWE Champion CM Punk cloud his judgment as Raw interim general manager.
Triple H provided this assessment on the most recent episode of Raw, and he was spot on. I realize that Laurinaitis and Punk can’t stand each other in storylines and probably in real life, too.
Still, Laurinaitis has to answer to WWE’s board of directors and if he can’t prove to them that he’s capable of being an impartial general manager, then he won’t be in charge of Raw much longer.
Give Undertaker Extra Incentive to Take out Triple H
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Triple H made it clear that he has the green light to resume running Monday Night Raw whenever he wants to. Well, if the Undertaker lays waste to the Game at WrestleMania, then Triple H won’t be resuming his duties for a while.
With that in mind, Laurinaitis would be well advised to give ‘Taker some added motivation (through incentives) to eliminate Triple H.
Laurinaitis could provide the Dead Man a lucrative package, looking something like this:
- A new, better wig
- A snazzy “Future Endeavored” muscle shirt
- All the free coffee he wants
- Changing the name of WrestleMania to TakerMania
- A souped-up Harley to relive the “American Bad Ass” days
- Royalty fees for every time Michael Cole drops “vintage Undertaker” on WWE programming
Beat Teddy Long in a WrestleMania GM vs. GM Match
Since we’re well on the road to WrestleMania, I’ll throw this idea for a match out there.
Laurinaitis should challenge haterade-drinking Smackdown general manager Teddy Long to a match in Miami.
Whoever should win the bout will take control of both Raw and Smackdown (that’s a scary thought). If the power-hungry Laurinaitis wants to emerge victorious, he better start training immediately.
Maybe Laurinaitis can start pumping iron with his nephew, James Laurinaitis of the NFL, or his good buddy, Mr. McMahon. With some solid training, Johnny Ace would have nothing on the leaner and meaner John Laurinaitis Version 1.