TNA Impact invades England with a lot of hype behind it. Will they deliver the goods or will they fail like the WWE did with Jericho’s return? 

Let’s find out. 

TNA Impact Insider

February 2, 2012 Review from London, England 

Last week TNA delivered one hell of a show. Good action, good story telling and a little humor. This week everyone is expecting a PPV-quality show as Impact comes to us from London, England in front of a real crowd in a big venue.

How did they do? Let’s find out. 

The Hits

Opening Segment

It made Impact look like a top-flight promotion that we all know it’s not yet. The crowd was hot and knowledgeable which is a huge difference from a taped Impact in Orlando in front of a bunch of tourists. 

We got Storm, Bully Ray, Roode and Sting making plans for matches on the card. I am expecting more from Bully and Storm tonight as those of you that read my recent column entitled “Bobby Roode to lose his title? Who, what, when, where, why and how?” (link provided at the end of this column). Know that I am predicting Bully Ray will pin Storm to win the title and lose it back to Roode on the following Impact. 

Magnus/Joe vs. Morgan/Crimson

The pace of this match was just about perfect. Every move was well executed. The only negative was how early Magnus escaped the corner before Morgan’s attempted Blueprint, but given the rest of this match, that is easily forgiven.

Even Crimson did well (shocking) especially with that sweet Exploder-suplex on Magnus. Magnus got the pin, which blew up his home-country crowd in order to keep himself and Joe as a threat to the titles, which I am in favor of. Awesome match and it represents the type of product TNA can put out when they focus.

However, if all this is not leading to a Magnus and Joe title win at A.A.O, I will be pissed.

How hot was that crowd for Joe and Magnus? Awesome.

Aries vs. Haskins 

The match itself was not great, but it was not bad either. Let’s not confuse a scary, tight end to the match with the entire match being great. It was not as fluid as it should have been most likely due to Haskins being rusty which led to it being a choreographed spot-fest. 

The finish was brutal in a good, yet scary way.

Haskins coming up short with his shooting-star press brought back memories of Lesnar. Haskins was lucky he did not break his neck. Aries amped it up from there with some serious, real contact via a kick to the face followed by an excellently executed Brain Buster into the awesome Horns of Aries for the submission win.

It was nice to see TNA do the exact opposite of what we expected with this being a non-title match against a kid from England. Despite the obvious looking booking in this match, Aries won anyway and that was the right decision given his angle and status within TNA.

Kim vs. Tara 

The fact that Kim was even in the ring wrestling is worth this one being a hit. The girl never wrestles. I was not sure she would remember how. She did, and her offense was crisp, well timed and executed.

Tara was as good as usual and her "non-title” victory keeps her a threat for now and will keep Mickie James away— thank God. 

You have to love that Tara’s “Widow’s Peak” finisher, which almost made it into my top-five finishing moves in my most recent TNA 5 Spot article listing the top-five finishers within TNA. The link for that article is at the end of this review. 

The only downside here is in Tara getting the pin on a hyped, televised Impact. It virtually assures Kim of retaining when she faces Tara again at Against All Odds.

Shop TNA Valentines Promo—Yummy! Did you see Rosita? Oy, Mami!

The Return of Hulk Hogan

The Hogan haters need to take a reality pill. Hogan gets a lot of flack from some fans for various reasons, and many want him gone.

They continue to miss the point. I agree that when he first came on he was too central in his role but now— in this back seat role “training” Garett— the spotlight is off Hogan as it should be. This allows TNA to utilize him more properly. 

A man of his age, condition and name recognition should be featured as a limited attraction. It was short, sweet and used Hogan name recognition to energize the crowd.

The same should apply to Sting, Kurt Angle, Scott Steiner and Ric Flair.

If you have any doubt of the value that Hogan brings to TNA, replay that crowd reaction.

Until TNA develops someone else that can do that, Hogan’s name being associated with TNA can only help.  Those of you that hate Hogan need to get over it because if you want TNA to grow his name helps them do just that.

Storm vs. Bully Ray

The crowd was more behind Storm in this match than earlier when he battled Roode because they view Bully as the bigger heel. The crowd was hot and Bully had some great offense early on, and Storm had some of his own at the end. I have to give credit to Storm for wrestling two matches on the card.

Sting provided protection for Storm by keeping Roode at bay which Storm to win it with the Last Call. Speaking of the Last Call, check out my latest 5 Spot column as I discuss the top 5 finishers in TNA today. The link is at the end of this review.

The Misses

Taz and Tenay

They are just awful. Million-dollar talent in the ring, cheeze-whiz doing play-by-play. Their tone and style just kill the production. It sounds like they taped their commentary while watching a taping and not while doing so live.

"Calling Out" the wrong way

TNA still has that stupid habit of playing the music of someone that is called out unexpectedly. Roode “called out” Storm who proceeded to come out to his music. How is that "calling out" someone? Wrestling is supposed to be about a suspension of disbelief, and when they do that, it screams “scripted.” It's such a small thing that is glaringly stupid.

The Bischoffs

If Garrett Bischoff cannot walk and pretend to act by believably speaking on the cell phone at the same time in a convincing manner, how will he ever expect us to buy him as a wrestler in the ring?

Eric Bischoff is a black hole. It’s nice to know that just like the U.S., England lets anyone enter their country. No border control there either. Moments later he is in the ring calling out his wayward sperm. 

According to internet reports, the crowd booed Garett, but it did not come across as such on TV They did chant boring when Eric Bischoff was talking but not when Garett was. However, this was overly rehearsed and came across like a scene from a very bad B-rated movie from the '50s with actors equally as bad. 

Storm vs. Roode

The match itself was good, maybe three-stars, with excellent timing for the most part.  Roode and Storm work well opposite each other. It featured some nice offense highlighted by an impressive Savage Elbow by Storm. Roode won via interference by Bully Ray, and that is getting old, fast.

So Why Did I Rate This Match a Miss?

This matchup should have come later in a feud that had Storm finally getting a chance to get back at Roode for not only turning on him but cheating him out of the title. It totally killed any interest I had in such a feud later on. It feels as if it needs to be restarted now.

They just “gave it away’ and it seems "blown" off.

Moving on...

Tell Me He Did Not Just Say That? 

“If I am in the X-Division, I am going to be champion.”- Mark Haskins. Hey Mark, I believe you could very well be the champ one day, but TNA has to remember you are on the roster first and let you out of storage. Nearly everyone watching TNA in the States is like, “Who the hell is this guy?” Your own people did not chant for you, son.

“We have seen Haskins on Impact recently when he was in the X-Division rankings match last August!”-Mike Tenay. This is a man that needs a refresher on the definition of "recently." He also just publicly admitted, unwittingly, how poor TNA is at roster management. 

Star of the Night

I could give it to anyone of the guys in the tag-team match. I could give it to Aries. I could even give it to Haskins simply because he survived. However, I am giving it to James Storm. Two matches on the same card and in each he delivered. Storm’s elbow would have made Randy Savage proud.

Match of the Night

Magnus/Joe vs. Morgan/Crimson

It really delivered on all levels—a true four-star match. High energy, fast pace, great offense and it allowed the feud to continue. It culminate in Joe and Magnus getting the titles.

Dud of the Night

Eric Bischoff

TNA simply does not understand that E.B. has nothing we want, nothing to offer and no reason to be out there. They continue misinterpret the boos as being over when in fact the audience in person and at home are booing because we don’t understand why he continues to eat time that could go to someone in the locker room—like Pope or Anthony Nese. Wake up TNA and “Bisch”-off.

Promo of the Night

There was not a lot of promo work on the show tonight—weird, it hurt the show—so nothing to award.

Based on Their Performance Tonight, I Want to See More of...

Joe, Magnus, Crimson,— can’t believe I said that—Morgan, Kim,Tara, Storm, Bully, Roode, Hogan ( in this exact role: short, sweet and to the point), Sting (see Hogan), Aries and Haskins.

Want to See Less of…

Eric Bishcoff—I don’t want to see him at all.

Question of the Night

I know Hardy could not travel because of his probation, but where the hell was Styles, Kaz, Daniels, Pope, Kash, Sorenson and Flair?

Things Learned Watching the February 2^nd Impact Broadcast 

1. Bully Ray likes to show off his legs as if anyone cares that he has the “largest” calf muscles in the world. If he had a finisher like a leg scissor submission, it would be relevant. However, a grown man that is not athletically built bragging about his calf muscles is a bit odd if you ask me.

2. Bobby Roode is extremely comfortable in his role and is so fluid on the mic one would think he has been a heel for as long as Bully Ray. However, the crowd saw Bully Ray and the bigger heel and that tells a very interesting story.

3. Why does Sting wear gloves indoors? Does he have eczema? Perhaps in real life, Steve Borden wears Lee Press-on Nails?

4. I am wondering if Garett Bischoff wears Depends? I have never seen an adult under 80 walk like that. Oh wait, this just in— Garett thinks he is a stud, got it. I am also curious as to why Garett felt the need to thank the fans in England for “supporting him in all this." They had no idea who he was, and they did not much seem to care. 

5. TNA is still pushing that undefeated thing with Crimson in their announcements. That needs to end soon, please.

6. Someone please explain the purpose of having Christy Hemme announce the wrestlers and then Jeremy Borash there to do the coin toss thing? How many ring announcers does TNA need? For a company that cries money problems, they sure like to pay for unnecessary people. 

7. The energy of Joe and Magnus is undeniable. It was genius pairing these guys, and it will piss me off if they do not win the titles and break up and enter a feud because of it. 

8. Does anyone else throw better, more believable punches than Joe? Maybe Styles but still, I love to watch Joe in the ring. He is the best moving big man in the industry. 

9. Did it seem to anyone else that Taz and Tenay were not broadcasting during the actual event and possibly doing it while watching the tape? 

10. It’s funny watching Eric Bischoff on the mic. He actually thinks that because he is booed that he is somehow creating controversy and thus means he is good at what he does. He does not get the joke that he is, and that people boo him because we do not understand why he is still allowed to be out there. 

11. Garett Bischoff’s sideburns are a bit, oh I don’t know, out of control. Yeah, that’s it. A small family of four squirrels could live comfortably in just one of those things.

12. Eric reminds me of my father-in-law—annoying, thinks he knows everything and shows up even though he knows everyone else would rather he wouldn’t. 

13. I am not sure why I think this, but I do—Every time I see Joe in those shorts with his out-of- shape body and whiteness, I am reminded of Sushi. A really big California roll. I know it’s weird, don’t hate. 

14. OMG too funny! In that commercial for the new TNA actions figures, they referred to Terry Taylor as a “legend of the ring?” NOW that’s funny!

15. Nice piece with Mark Haskins prior to his match with Aries. I have been pushing for Haskins to get more air time as he has not been seen on Impact since last summer. The kid can go. He just needs to learn to not land on his face.

16. How good is Aries? The crowd in England cheered him and not his opponent, Mark Haskins, who is from England.

17. What happens when a wrestler gets in the ring after not performing regularly over a six-month period? They almost kill themselves—Ask Mark Haskins.

18. How sick was the last 45 seconds of the Aries/Haskins match? I loved it. Did you see how red Haskins face and chest was while in the Horns of Aries as a result of his “Brock Lesnar Moonsault”? The boy must be hurting today.

19. Finally a Direct Auto insurance commercial that is not cringe-worthy. Good Job, Morgan. I often dream of doing those things to the folks at Geico whenever they screw with my rates.

20. I don’t care who else may be in that Hooter’s Dream Girl contest…I cannot see any of them being hotter than Brooke. Her butt cannot be real. Seriously…it’s either implants or she comes from the “Moon." It’s too perfect.

21. Okay, seriously that kid they showed in the crowd, the one with the hood and the wrestling mask—creeps me out. If he wore that in the States, Homeland Security would tackle him in the parking lot.

22.  I would refuse to wrestle Bobby Roode when he is wet like that. Why was he so wet? Is that water, or oil he was leaking, or did he get lucky backstage?

23. Gotta laugh at TNA’s attempt to use Twitter. All their wrestlers are on there tweeting “Buy my new shirt at ShopTNA.com." They do not get what Twitter is for and how it can build a following, an audience. Using it to shill and only to shill will turn fans away.

24. Sometimes Storm's offenses look lazy, and then he surprises you with a top rope elbow that would make Randy Savage proud.

25. Tara looks awesome for a nearly 42-year old female wrestler.

26: What’s with all the non-title matches? If you are a champion, you defend the title. I never understood the “non-title” B.S.

27.  It’s nice to actually see Gail Kim wrestle. What was that, her third time in the ring in three months?

28. Kim is just…yummy. Darcy like. Darcy want some. Me love you long time.

29. Storm with tape around his stomach? I have not seen that since Hogan circa 1988. It was lame then and lame now. The funny thing is, the tape is supposed to be for Storm’s “ribs” yet it was around his stomach and waste.

I can see TNA’s now tagline now; TNA Wrestling—we don’t know jack about anatomy and hope you don’t either.

30.You just saw why Storm’s finisher, the Last Call, was rated the No. 1 finisher in TNA today by yours truly in my most recent TNA 5 Spot column (link provided below). 

Bottom Line

I am on the fence. I expected more, got less, but most what I got was good—just not enough. It was odd not seeing backstage skits, and I actually missed Eric Young (the crowd did too if you happened to catch the “We want EY’ chant early on), Styles, Kaz, Daniels, Pope, Kash, Sorenson and to hear Aries cut a promo.

I am not a big fan of “non-title” matches and there were too many of those on the card. 

TNA did not put their best foot forward in this one.

Decent show but nowhere near what it should have been

Missed Last Week's Review  (What's Wrong With You)? Check It out: TNA IMPACT REVIEW 1/26

How's Roode Going to Lose His Title? Read "Bobby Roode to lose his title? Who, When, Where, Why, How?

Check out my 5 Spot Series I Referenced Above.

TNA 5 Spot: Top 5 Finishers in TNA Right Now

TNA 5 Spot: 5 Things TNA Can Do to Compete with WWE

TNA 5 Spot: Top 5 Underutilized Wrestlers on the TNA Roster Right Now

TNA 5 Spot: Top 5 Mic Skills in TNA Right Now

Reader Reax

Mike Steidl-Regular Reader

Thought the show was solid, but I agree they need to get more faces on the show. I want the Pope, I want Sorenson, I want Aries. They just need to go ahead and makes this a three-hour show. (It is not like Jail is bringing in the ratings.)

As for the Sting and Bully Ray rumor, I really think it is going to be Roode v. Sting next PPV. Roode will screw everybody out the title next Sunday, and Sting will have enough and agree to fight Roode. Roode will retain but lead to a nasty Lockdown event where Storm wins No.1 contendership. Storm will then go over at the next PPV. I am calling it now!

Darcy Says: Hey, Mike. Sting vs. Roode? Not happening at next PPV, if at all. Why would anyone want to see that anyway? Agreed on Pope, Sorenson and Aries.

Josh Gritzuk-Regular Reader (in Part)

...Side note, did I really hear that TNA has NOTHING for Anderson? Maybe it's my Wisconsin bias, but I want him back on my TV set. Give him a run with the TV title or something. Wouldn't hurt to actually "legitimize" the title.

Darcy Says: Never liked Anderson. He tried way too hard to be a poor man's version of Stone Cold and failed miserably. Take away his cuss words and he is not better than your average wrestler. His ring skills are inconsistent as well. I hope they can retool him. Otherwise he is a waste of time in my opinion.

Your Turn...the Floor is Open Below.