StrawberryIceCream, an absolute bastion of journalistic integrity, recently "reported" that Kim Kardashian is "secretly hooking up" with Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez. The website claims to have a "source" with definitive knowledge that Kim K. and the Sanchize have been meeting up for dinner dates at hotels and "flings."
This nonsense comes on the heels of reports that Kim K. was looking to land Denver's most eligible bachelor, Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow, but that he wasn't the least bit interested. According to The National Enquirer, Kim K. allegedly has a monster crush on the godly quarterback—being attracted to his All-American good looks and his strong values.
Hmmph. Wouldn't have guessed values were high on her list.
Now, because they're filled with fabrications and outright lies, it's just good practice to disregard almost anything "reported" in gossip rags—but the Tebow thing is actually pretty believable. Kim K. is fame-obsessed and desperate to land a legitimate superstar athlete. Tebow hasn't been saving himself all these years for someone who rose to fame because of a sex tape.
Which brings us back to the overwhelmingly ridiculous Sanchez "report." Let's all kill some braincells together by breaking this crap down together.
Why it Could be True
First of all, this is how tabloids and gossip sites get away with being monstrous liars—they target people that nobody likes. Sanchez has been absolutely crucified in the media this offseason and has shouldered much of the blame for the Jets' current troubles.
And seriously, if you read that Kim K. hooked up with a homeless dude and broadcast their dalliances via a live webcast, would that even surprise you at this point? It'd certainly be a classier career move than her attention-seeking, money-grubbing, sham marriage to Nets forward Kris Humphries.
So it could be true because these two are a couple of idiots who are both best known for sleeping around and irritating the public. Them getting together actually makes a lot of sense.
Why it'd be Awesome if it Were
Awesome may be a bit of an overstatement—it'd be a spectacle that would be hard not to watch. The Super Bowl will be over in a matter of days and we'll need some interesting stories to get us through the lull until the draft.
Why it's Not True
This just isn't true for a number of reasons. The first reason being that StrawberryIceCream's "source" basically invalidated the entire claim by insisting that Kim was "just in it for the sex" because "she has her hopes set on a bigger star."
That statement all but guaranteed their "relationship" will never become official because Kim doesn't want it to—which conveniently gets the "source" and the website off the hook.
Then there's the fact that in December 2011, Sanchez was linked to Victoria's Secret model Kate Upton. Sure, it might be hard for someone in Sanchez's position to stay faithful over the long haul, but surely Upton could keep his attention for more than a couple of weeks. She's only one of the hottest women on the planet.
And finally, we all know that Sanchez has had a tough year, but in what world is he beneath Kim K.?
Sanchez graduated high school, attended an excellent university on a football scholarship, was drafted in the first round of the NFL draft by the Jets and is one of the highest paid players in the sport. Kim K. might have graduated high school, and her entire career was built on the shelf of her giant ass and her porn career.
Okay, so this whole thing has been officially debunked and I think it's safe to say that we're all a little dumber than we were a few minutes ago.