Sadly, they aren't the sort which involve money, tickets to stadia, or dates with beautiful north-western students who we might have talked about, but which teams people should support.
First and foremost, the VFA says: "We don't care who you support, as long as you get your butt over to your team's stadium once in your life to watch a game".
But secondly, here's a quick guide:
1) For cheerleaders: Go for Oregon, USC, or Florida. While USC have the classic song girls, Oregon and Florida's are well-concentrated-on by both cameramen and students alike. With those girls in front of you, students, how do you ever watch a game?? Avoid Texas A&M, unless you're female and like all-male cheerleader hunks.
2) For nice weather: Go for Miami or UCLA, where the weather's pretty perfect. South Carolina and Clemson aren't bad either for September and October either. The University of Hawaii and Arizonas get our thumbs-up, too.
3) For the amazing co-eds: 90% of American schools are great. But the University of Texas is something special. The boys seem to work out perfectly, the girls are, well, "wow", and everyone wears awesome cowboy boots. And Austin rocks. Which helps, because their team doesn't seem to be getting any better anytime soon.
4) To be a part of culture: You've got to be rooting for Ole Miss, which is housed in Oxford, Mississippi (former home of William Faulkner (and the latter-day William Faulkner, ESPN's Wright Thompson), or Rutgers (near to New York City, where you can escape to), or any of the LA teams (Hollywood stars jump on team bandwagons when the teams are doing well out there). Or even Tulane, which bang in New Orleans. Stay away from Northwestern, which gets just too damned cold in winter.
5) To be part of a great party: College football IS tailgating. The University of Colorado, though, is something special. As is any SEC or Big Ten school. And if you fancy jumbalaya, then go to LSU.
6) To be part of a winner: Opt for any SEC school. By the rate the conference is going, they'll all have won a National Championship by around 2025 (Bold Prediction here!). Oregon's awesome offense (if Chip Kelly stays), both Oklahoma and Oklahoma State, and Ohio State are also going to be fun. As well as THAT team in LA (USC).
7) To be a part of tradition: There's only one team for that, and it's Notre Dame. Gold helmets? Touchdown Jesus? An awe-inspiring campus? Priests? The Fighting Irish have got it all in South Bend! Including an overrated team who last went to a National Championship Game when Jesus himself was indeed a boy.
8) For beautiful stadiums: Nothing beats Sanford Stadium in Georgia, although we'd argue that Washington's Husky Stadium overlooking the bay comes close. Oh, and Virginia's stadium in Charlottesville with the grass bank in the end-zone gives it character, too.
9) For stadiums with atmosphere: Nothing's louder than Kyle Field (Texas A&M) on gameday, but Tiger Stadium (LSU), Tuscaloosa (Alabama) and Beaver Stadium (Penn State) are all something special.
9) To be part of new beginnings: That's Penn State. And you get to wear white in an awesome 110,000 stadium, too!