The IMPACT Insider

Impact review for January 26, 2012.

This weekly review, as always, is brought to you without prior knowledge of spoilers. I highly recommend avoiding spoilers for Impact, as it greatly enhances the viewing experience.

As a side note, it is always a good idea to have fresh batteries in your remote to fast forward in case TNA drops the ball or to pause during Velvet Sky's ring entrance.

Last Week on Impact  

Last week’s Impact was a good show from a story telling standpoint, but when it came to in-ring action we only got four matches, and only one of them was “decent” (Gunner vs. Styles).

TNA needs to have more action in the ring…it is a wrestling program after all.

YOU CAST YOUR VOTE

Let’s take a quick look at the poll results from last week’ s review article. I will do this in future columns from here on out. 

Of the 178 of you that answered the question about how many matches Impact should have each week,  38.8 % voted for six matches (agreeing with me, how nice of you), 34.3%  voted for five matches, 19.7% voted for seven or more matches, 7.3 percent voted for four matches or less.

A whopping 78.5% of your 205 votes stated that A.J. Styles is one of the best in the business regardless of promotion. 12% of you claimed he was one of the best in TNA but would not crack the top 10 anywhere else (put the bong down) and 9% of you stated he was over rated (on what planet?).

When asked how many of you were as tired of Mickie James as I am, 185 of you responded and 46% of you proved that you are joining me in not drinking her Kool-aid and are tired of her. My kind of readers! There are 39% of you that are still sold on the lame James; 15% of you proved that you should seek therapy by voting that you still have her poster on your wall, and that your mother is worried about you. Seek help my friends.

45% of the 172 voted that Crimson was green. There were 24% of you that feel as though he is worth the hype, while another 30% of you questioned how Crimson can be green if his name is Crimson.

When it came to describing Angelina Love’s legs, the 143 of you that voted were almost evenly torn between calling them chicken legs (35%), toothpicks (28%), dental floss with nails (23%) and q-tips (14%).

Here was an interesting poll. What would you like to see when it comes to Velvet Sky? Reunite with Angelina Love to reform the Beautiful People was the big winner (47%). Being named the number one contender was well represented (35%) and 17% of you wanted her to turn heel and get her shot at Kim. 142 votes in all. 

In a poll that proved a point as well as how sick some of you really are, I asked you who is the best in the world at what they do when it comes to wrestling? 173 of you voted and Austin Aries was the choice taking 31% followed by CM Punk with 29% of the vote. Chris Jericho finished fourth with 15%...the bad part for him was that he finished behind an unlikely player. 24% of you sickos (I love you guys!) voted for ODB’s breasts! So much for Jericho and his big return, eh?

Lastly, when it came to your choice for which show was better last week, Raw or Impact, 168 of you voted.  Raw edged out Impact (39% to 32%) while 9% of you voted that they both sucked. An additional 7% of you liked the commercials during both shows better than the shows themselves.

Thanks for voting on last week’s polls…don’t forget to vote for this weeks. Lets see if we can get 200 plus votes for each poll.

HITS AND MISSES THIS WEEK ON IMPACT 

Hit:  Opening Segment

Hot, relevant opening departing from TNA’s usual “talking matters” opening promo. A backstage battle between Hardy, Roode, Storm and Bully set up a nice, hot pace for the show that one can only hope is carried through the rest of the program.

Miss: Velvet Sky/Mickie James/Tara

While TNA does a far better job than the WWE when it comes to using their female contingent, this match was poorly paced and flat until the end.

James is simply a horrible wrestler and ruins every match she is in. Her offense is horrible. She pulls out of moves too early and telegraphs way too soon. Her punches and kicks are lame, and any move that she executes well is likely due to her opponent.

Velvet Sky looked lost in this one and has been wasted and dropped by TNA since Kim came on board.

Clearly rumors about her pissing someone off in the office must be true because the girl gets no respect. The great part of this match was Tara. She is the best technical wrestler of the three and looks like a tough female wrestler and a believable one.

The match was overly choreographed, spotty and poorly paced but it was nice to see someone other than James win. In fact, I would have rather seen a Battle Royale with all the talent from the female roster instead of continuing to showcase the same women every single week. Tara winning was fine though, in fact, she was the best choice in my opinion.

Tara’s modified side slam of Sky was an awesome finisher and in contention for Move of the Night named later in this article.

**Backstage Gail Kim congratulated Tara on her win but vowed to defeat her at the PPV. Kim was about as exciting as watching grass grow.

HIT: Sting, Hardy, Storm, Roode and Bully in the Ring 

These four continued the hostility from the opening and brought it to the ring.

I have been critical of Sting in his role as GM, but if he executed instead of performing cartoonish antics, I would be a major supporter. This was an awesome segment with Sting trying to gain control of four wild animals and dong it like a bad-ass.  Everyone was intense and played their roles to the hilt, especially Bully Ray, who is no longer a coward Bully, but an actual in your face tough guy.

Great intensity and action–my only gripe would be Sting’s continued one-sidedness. It would have made more sense for him to pop Storm and Hardy at least once with the bat to calm them down as well instead of only attacking the heels.

**Backstage Alex Shelley spoke of his match tonight vs. Zema Ion. Last week, Shelley returned and did a great job on the mic and looked to be in great shape. However, it’s clear that he needs a stimulus, like Aries, to give a great promo.

Otherwise he comes off as a nerd with really bad hair.

In fact, a regular reader of this column and a big Shelley fan refers to Shelley’s hair as something from the 1980’s band “Flock of Seagulls.” Did I get that right, Josh?

Hit: Eric Young

He is still funny but the novelty is running out fast.

Soon these type of segments will be misses. Eric Young thinking a set worker was Sammy Davis Jr. before Angelina Love and Winter came out to distract him long enough for Winter to attempt to knee him in the chicklets in order to take him out before their tag match against Young and ODB.

Young was prepared and had a chicklet shield in the form of a jock cup, which he took out after Love hurt her knee by hitting it.

He smelled his own cup.

Yes, you read that right and then offered it to them to smell it as well. I never tried that particular pick-up line…not sure I want to.

As Winter helped a limping Love escape the nut cup of love, ODB came out, grabbed the cup from Young, because it was HER’s (I knew it..she walks funny), called him a dick and told him to get moving for their match.

In segments like these, TNA is smart in how they use the comedy of Young. They keep it short and therefore it works. When it comes to a match involving Young the comedy is overkill. We shall see if that was the case in their tag match.

**Christie Hemme looks fake and as if she fell asleep in Hogan’s tanning booth. 

Hit: Alex Shelley/ Zema Ion 

A hit, just barely.

This was a borderline match between a hit and a miss. At times the action was fluid and fast and in other moments the timing was off and poorly executed. Not a big fan of Shelley as a singles wrestler and certainly do not like his habit of playing to the crowd after every single move but the man is skilled.

Ion, with his new crap-hit-the-fan-followed-by-his-hair haircut, excels against the right opponent and I am not sure Shelley was the right guy tonight. Either that or the booking simply meant to showcase Shelley at the expense of Ion's skills.

It should have been longer with bigger spots but it was what it was. Not bad, not great. Aries has nothing to worry about, unless TNA gets stupid.

**Backstage A.J. Styles cries about Kaz and Daniels promising to get to the bottom of it tonight which means we won’t; Tara over reacting but given a nice amount of time to talk about her match with Kim coming up at the PPV and Eric Bischoff showing up at some gym to expose that Garett really does not have a trainer.

Bischoff sees the trainer off camera and acts like he just saw, oh I don’t know, the Incredible Hulk or maybe, perhaps, another Hulk if ya know what I’m saying? It was lame- anything Eric does is lame- when will they learn?

Miss: EY/ODB vs. Winter/Love. 

It was entertaining, but overkill as expected.

We just saw this last week and they went to the well once too often. A ton of wasted time with Young once again in a mixed tag but not mixing it up as expected or wanted.

I would love to see him plant Winter on her head (sorry to regular reader Mike "I love Winter" Steidl).

Instead he locks up with Earl, as usual, runs round and acts the fool, as usual,  and sniffs the women, as usual, before ODB comes in, as usual, molests herself as usual, Winter hanging ODB upside down in the corner, airplane spins taking out both Young and his victim before ODB gets the pin. In other words, it was the exact same match we saw between these four the last time.

I know Impact is taped, but I did not know it was a rerun.

Funny, entertaining, but since we got the humor backstage I would prefer to see this time used in a match featuring Kid Kash, Sorenson (who apparently only appears at PPV’S now), Nese (remember him?), Kendick (is he alive?) or how about Pope????

TNA needs to learn that less is more and everything in moderation when it comes to Young.

Hit: Bully Ray and Roode Backstage Promo

Both men complain about Storm having the balls to call out Bully and Roode for a tables match which is Bully’s staple.

Bully tells Roode that he did not keep Storm in check like Bully kept Devon. Bully hints that Roode is the champ but not for long prompting Roode to question Bully’s motives.This was an excellent segment because for as good as Roode is as a heel and for as far as he has come in his promo work, Bully Ray is ten times better at it and Roode can only benefit from the exposure of being with him.

Bully Ray as champ? I don’t see it happening but as a heel, he has few equals in TNA, or in wrestling for that matter, so it is not exactly out of the realm of possibility.

Hit: Matt Morgan vs. Samoa Joe

Don’t’ get me wrong, it was only a hit because of Joe and Magnus.

Along with Styles, Joe puts out the most believable and energetic offense within TNA. He is fun to watch and despite his size, the man can move.

Why they continue to feel the need to make him lose is beyond me and having him lose yet again, and as a result of a lone clothesline without any proceeding offense, only serves to make Joe look weak.

Someone within power hates this guy.

Magnus is intense and compliments Joe’s style well. However, mark my words right now…when Joe and Magnus win the titles it will be because of a disagreement between Morgan and Crimson that leads to a feud between them once again, not because Magnus and Joe are better, which they are, but because TNA does not believe in a clean finish for a heel over a face.

That HAS to change.

I like Morgan, because he is likable, but he is just too vanilla to get “excited’ about. Does that make sense to anyone else?

Miss: Storm and Hardy Promo

It’s their turn to talk about Hardy and Roode. It wasn’t bad but when you compare this with the Roode and Bully segment it’s painfully clear who can get it done in a promo and who can’t.

Hit: Styles/Kazarian/Daniels

The problem I have is that I am not sure why I like it, but it is holding my interest…for now.

I suppose it’s because I like all the players involved and that I am hoping that it will lead to something when I know that no matter what they do, whatever it is that Daniels has on Kaz is going to be lame when it is revealed.

Still, these guys play their roles well and while Daniels vs. Styles is quite played out, this new twist with Kaz allows me to give it a chance as long as it plays out within the next few weeks and not any longer than that.

Once it’s done let’s hope A.J. is in the hunt for the world title and both Daniels and Kaz either become a tag team competing for the belts, or each individually competes for the T.V. title which once again has only been defended on Impact once in the last two months.

Hit: Main Event 

All four guys, Roode, Bully, Storm and Hardy continued their intensity from the open of the show and bookended this edition of Impact perfectly. 

Bully Ray, normally a master of the chair shots got no favors from the camera’s angles that clearly showed him hitting the tables instead of Hardy and the mat instead of Storm.

Roode, the champion, should have stood out more in this match but it was clear that the person they wanted showcased in this one was Bully Ray.

Roode,Hardy and Storm were evenly played in this one which is good for Storm because he has been played down in my opinion since winning and losing the title not too long ago.

Once again, TNA plays it inconsistent with Sting who was no where to be found at the end of a match he was so invested in and set up earlier in the show, despite once again the heels taking short cuts to get their way.

I suppose Sting went to bed early again and we will wait for the "consequences" on next week’s Impact (sigh) for Bully Ray and his chair use after the match was over.

Star of the Night: Bully Ray

Look, he has been around forever and is not exactly a, “young rising star,” but he is one of the best heels in the industry and is arguably the best heel within TNA.

After many years as a tag wrestler, his singles run makes him fresh and he plays it to the hilt.

He is stellar on the mic, can still go in the ring and deserves a major push which he appears to be getting.  The man blew snot at ring side during the main event right in front of a few teenage girls…that’s a heel.

Promo of the Night:  Bully Ray and Robert Roode

What we saw here was a up and coming heel in the form of Roode being led by a master of a heel promo in Bully Ray. It does not get better than this in TNA unless Aries is involved.

Match of the Night: Main Event

Not even close to a match of the year event but it did serve a purpose to continue the momentum these guys started the show off with and established all four as being involved in a heated feud that is a no-brainer for am eventual fatal 4-way that I see Bully Ray winning at a future PPV.

The action was well paced and executed allowing the show to finish as hot as it started.

Impact of the Night: Tara's modified sidewalk slam of Sky onto James. Anytime Mickie actually looks like she gets squashed, for real, makes me smile. It was impressive, even for James, to take the hit.

I like what I see with…

Tara winning, James losing, Bully’s direction, Angle with Styles, Kaz and Daniels.

I don’t like what I see with…

Overkill with Young, Samoa Joe continuing to lose, inconsistency with Sting

Based on their performance on this Impact I want to see more of…

Hardy, Roode, Bully, Storm, Bad-Ass Sting (when he sticks around for the entire show), ODB, Love, Tara, Joe, Magnus

Based on their performance on this Impact I want to see less of…

Young in mixed tags, Zema Ion unless he is allowed to use his skill set, Morgan and Crimson, Winter

30 things learned from the 1/26 edition of Impact

1: If you watch the ladies match between Tara, Mickie and Velvet again you can see how bad the timing was. It was almost embarrassing to watch them over react to injury while waiting for their spots.

2: Taz and Tenay once again were irrelevant. If you watch Impact to the movie track from Monty Python it is actually a better show than listening to Tenay or Taz on commentary.

3: Is it me or does Mickie James look like she is wearing life size clothing from, “Red Neck Barbie”.

4: Velvet Sky, popular for her sexiness, was exposed in her match tonight as not being a very good wrestler.

5: Tara winning means that TNA is done shoving Mickie down my throat…where should I send the thank you card?

6: Gail Kim is engaged to superstar Chef Robert Irvine, best known for his T.V show “Restaurant Impossible”. If you have never seen Irvine, he is bigger than any TNA star when it comes to size. I wonder if they will ever bring him in the mix somehow?

7:  Shout out to Robert Hegyes who I just learned passed away.

Who is he you ask? He was an actor that played, “Juan Epstien,” on the old T.V. sitcom, Welcome Back, Kotter. I mention him here because he was a fan of wrestling and it was once said that Eddie Guerrero patterned some of this gimmick on, "Epstein’s" antics. Rest in peace, dude.

8: I think I can safely speak for every single fan of TNA wrestling, or at the very least for regular reader DOUG RAINE, when I say that we prefer this version of Sting to the one he played all of last year.

9: I think I can also speak for every TNA fans that it would be better it Sting were universally in the face of both heels and faces instead of just the heels.

10: I am again speaking for TNA fans when I say how dumb it is to have Sting so heavily involved at the beginning of the show, get further involved in the middle of the show setting up a main event only to not show up at the end, nearly every week, when the heels once again break the rules. Does he fall asleep in the back before the show due to his age or something?

11: I think I figured it out…Velvet Sky peed in Dixie’s cornflakes and Joe followed up by taking a dump in them…and they both got caught. I can’t think of anything else, can you?

12: Alex Shelley would scare no one in a dark alley...

13: Zema Ion would love to be in a dark alley with Shelley...that haircut clinched it for me.

14: I had a pet once that looked like Ion’s new hair style…the sympathy factor eventually wore off and we put it to sleep.

15:  You would think Eric Young is like 40 and that is why they use him as they do. He just turned 32, can still go, is massively over and they waste his talents. I am convinced Russo is his personal script writer.

16: ODB is the best female wrestler in the industry in my opinion.

17: ODB’ s breasts are the best tag team in wrestling in my opinion and are a threat to defeat Morgan and Crimson. I can't wait to see how they tag each other.

18: I am a Hulk Hogan fan…always have been. Yet I am so tired of Eric Bischoff that I cannot get excited about Hogan being the trainer for his random sperm than managed to evolve.

19: Styles is nearly a five tool wrestler. He can wrestle. He can fly. He delivers believable offense and sells great defense but he is about as marketable as a pre-chewed tootsie roll and his promo skills are average. Those of you that think he is the best in TNA need to do a side by side comparison of him and Austin Aries.

Overall, Styles is in the top five within TNA, but he is not in the top three from where I sit.

20: There is a reason they paired Roode and Bully together…Bully is the perfect guy to train a killer heel.

21: Hardy is very weak in a promo…it’s the weakest part of his game.

22: Storm was never as good on the mic as he was just prior to his title win and just after it. Since then, he has been average at best. Enough with the spitting of "beer" please.

23: Matt Morgan is a nice guy. He can wrestle. He is likable. He simply does not have that ‘it” to be a major star. High level mid-card player at best.

24: Magnus is a nice guy. He can wrestle. He is likable. He delivers and elbow better than Savage but he also lacks the same thing Morgan lacks...charisma.

25: Who delivers the best, most believable offense in TNA? In order…Samoa Joe, A.J. Styles and Bully Ray.

26: Gotta hand it to Kazarian…his impression of a puppy is impressive.

27: Tara and ODB could out wrestle some men on the roster

28: At 41, Tara is doable and I would brag about it.

29: When is the last time you saw so many chair shots, by Bully Ray, so badly missed and sold as if they made contact?

30: Do you smell a Sting vs. Bully Ray match coming? I do and I don’t like the scent. I wonder what regular reader Mike Steidl thinks of that?

Tonight’s Impact Bottom Line: Thumbs Up

Every now and then TNA goes darker, more serious.

It’s rare but when they do it it proves what they can do when they are focused. Tonight was an example of that and I wish they would continue to produce shows in this tone.

What they delivered tonight won’t matter much when it comes to ratings as that will never change until they go live.

Like last week we got four matches on the card.

However, with the action starting off the show and then the in ring battle that set up the main event, it was like having six matches on the card and that is my target number for TNA to have a successful mix of in-ring action and story telling segments.

Overall this show delivered eight hits and three misses making it an enjoyable edition of Impact and a major improvement over recent weeks.

Please click props if you like the article, tweet it…tell your mom.

If you missed last week’s column, check it out here.

Before we get this weeks comments started, let's take a look at a few random comments some of you left last week in regards to the show and to my column. This will be a regular feature in future articles.

READER REAX 

Some of your replies from the comment section of last week’s review

From Issac Edwards: Alright. I'm going to say it. I don't share your hatred for Mickie James, nor your love for Austin Aries. Mickie James is a good wrestler. Nothing special mind, but the Knockouts division is pretty thin. I DO think she's way overexposed. I DON'T think she's a flaming pile of monkey-bleep as you seem to be suggesting. 

Austin Aries is also a good wrestler. He is hardly the second coming of Jesus Christ. I don't find him entrancing on the mic, and while his shtick about fascinating us by talking about what he was about to talk about or whatever was clever, I don't think he pulled it off (at least, I was getting bored). He's good on the mic, don't get me wrong, but hardly as good as you make him out to be.

Finally, Jeff Hardy is very good on the mic for someone who is not a natural. It shows, and it always will show, he's not especially comfortable on the stick, but given that he does a very good job of hiding it. I don't like his "creatures of the night" schtick, I think he should drop it, but other than that, I can't complain about his mic work.

Good review as always.

Darcy Says: You said Mickie James is a, "good wrestler” and that may be so but to have her shoved in my face every week like she has been since her arrival requires more than a, “good wrestler” for me to accept it. I don’t think she is a "flaming pile of monkey-bleep”…I never said I saw flames.

Aries is not the second coming...Jesus would never wear those clothes but no one in their right mind can deny his place within TNA and it is at the top. Hardy is not good on the stick…sorry, no argument can be made otherwise. Thanks for reading.

From Lucas Scott: Mickie James should not be getting a push. The core should revolve around Tessmacher, Rayne, Sky, Kim, Tara.

Ummmmm we need the Pope....

Aries is the best heel in both promotions (WWE  and TNA).

Is anyone really going to dispute that?

TNA is finally doing right with the legends. However, I would like to see a Ric Fair promo hyping up gunner like he did Roode after lockdown.

Joe and Magnus is a wicked team.

One team I wanted to see in that tournament was Pope and Aries. But they had two different paths; Aries a champion Pope going after children not his own.... I am serious apparently.

I agree TNA needs 5-6 matches per week.

I would like to see the TV Title defended every week and at least 1 gimmick match (ladder, table or hardcore?). Plus Aries defending his belt and cutting more promos is good. I think backstage promos should be cut a bit.

Darcy Says: Nothing. Lucas said it perfectly.

The floor this week now belongs to the rest of you...LET'S DISH!