My head is literally spinning at the mere thought of this. No, seriously, it is. Right now, if you were sitting in my office you would swear that there is a slightly overweight guy doing his best Linda Blair impersonation (minus the spewing of the pea soup, of course.)
I want to do right by this news and be serious about the Canseco plea, I really do, but considering he only managed a .256 batting average in 60 games for the Yuma Scorpions in 2011 (as a player/manager), something tells me he won't quite make the cut.
To be fair, Canseco played in just 60 games with 199 official at-bats. In which, he managed a .371 OBP with a .427 SLG for a .798 OPS.
In Yuma... for the Scorpions.
While in his Tweet, Canseco claims that he has a ".350 lifetime batting average 1 hr per every 9 at bats" while at Fenway Park. I am not sure where he's getting these figures.
According to Baseball Reference, Canseco's math is way off. His lifetime average at Fenway Park is .312 while hitting a total of 48 home runs there. He has a total of 629 at bats at the Fens so that equates to a home run every 13 at bats, not nine.
Uh... strike one.
So, to be fair I decided to look at his numbers from 1995 and 1996, in case that was what he meant. To my surprise (note: sarcasm), he was wrong again. In those two seasons, Canseco posted a .325 batting average with 27 home runs in 369 total at bats. That equates to a home run every 14 at bats, roughly.
Okay, okay... so maybe he meant that he hit .350 with a home run every nine at bats in his total playing time in Boston... right? Wrong again. He hit .298 with 52 home runs in 756 official at bats, or one dinger in every 14.5 plate appearances.
While I won't lie, his (chemically enhanced) numbers in Boston were impressive, the man can't possibly be serious. I'm hoping that this was perhaps a Tweet he made when drunk, because even though the team is stretching the budget, there is no way any team gives a 47-year old Jose Canseco a tryout, let alone the Boston Red Sox.