The New England Patriots and New York Giants will do battle at Super Bowl XLVI, and that fact will turn our lives upside down for one glorious day in February.
Some will party hard the night before their annual Super Bowl party. Others will rush to the market for the last remaining buns and hot dogs after a last-second reminder that the biggest day in sports-watching was here and now.
According to Yummly.com, the average Super Bowl viewer will throw 1,200 calories down their gullet, almost 70 million pounds of avocados will be consumed, 14,500 tons of chips and 4,000 tons of popcorn will be eaten and sales of antacids will rise 20 percent right after.
This is a special day when up is down and left is right. Our usual football-watching peccadilloes change to match the Super Bowl and the added incentives this special game brings. So here are some guarantees that will happen on February 5th.
In-Game Bathroom Break
NFL games are far too long, especially the important ones. The Super Bowl takes that sentiment and inflates it with super commercial steroids.
While you would never dream of leaving the couch during play through the regular season or playoffs, that sentiment changes during the Super Bowl.
You will never forgive yourself if you are in the restroom or off getting a snack and hear a raucous amount of laughter coming from the living room after a Clydesdale doing something wacky. You can miss that second-quarter field goal though.
Bring cash, because even the most stringent financial wizards will be wheeling and dealing on Super Bowl Sunday.
If the zany prop bets don't get you, the dude who always runs the Super Bowl squares will. "Come on, it's only $5." That is how he gets you.
At some point, morbid curiosity will take over and the Puppy Bowl will come on for at least 30 seconds. That will be enough to fill your life with a year's worth of cute. Anymore than 30 seconds and you have to have your "Man Card" revoked.
Madonna Will be Horrible
We all remember Janet Jackson and her wardrobe malfunction. Since that time, Super Bowl forces have been doing their best to deliver over-the-hill and past-their-prime performances from the best of yesteryear.
By the time she is done delivering her performance, the words "awkward," "awful" and "ew" will have been uttered. This would be time to turn to that Puppy Bowl.