Cleveland Indians: 9 New Aliases for Fausto Carmona

Chris Schad@@crishadContributor IIIJanuary 25, 2012

Cleveland Indians: 9 New Aliases for Fausto Carmona

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    Cleveland Indians pitcher Fausto Carmona has found himself to be in hot water after United States officials found out that he was falsifying his identity.

    It turns out that Carmona's real name is Roberto Hernandez Heredia and that he is actually 31 years old rather than the 28 the Indians had listed him to be in their media guide.

    The falsification of documents has been a growing problem in Major League Baseball. Leo Nunez (who is really Juan Carlos Oviedo) was busted for the same offense late last season. In 2008, Miguel Tejada admitted to being two years older than he was listed by the Astros.

    While the falsifying of legal documents is a bit of a problem, I wondered why shouldn't Roberto Hernandez Heredia have a stage name?

    As an amateur broadcaster myself, that name would be a mouthful to say on the air.  It needs to be shortened up (as I will now do by referring to him as R.H.H. the rest of the article), and quite frankly, be more entertaining.

Danny Almonte

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    The first case of falsifying documents was not in Major League Baseball, but it was in the 2001 Little League World Series.

    Danny Almonte burst onto the scene as a 5'8" sensation with a 75 mile per hour fastball in 2001. His performance at the LLWS was incredible as he struck out 62 of the 72 batters he faced. His physical presence was imposing enough to earn the nickname "Little Unit."

    However, shortly after the tournament concluded, other teams complained that Almonte was not 12 years old. After a lengthy investigation, it was revealed that Almonte was actually 14 and was deemed ineligible to participate in the tournament. His records have since been stripped from the history of the LLWS.

    With R.H.H. deciding to choose Danny Almonte as his new alias, it would be a tip of the cap to the past innovators of this craft.

Henry Rowengartner

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    R.H.H. used the alias of Fausto Carmona in order to get Major League scouts to think that he was younger than he really was. What could be better than being a prospect that's about three years younger than you actually are? Being a prospect that's 19 years younger than you actually are!

    After a freak arm injury on the school playground, Henry Rowengartner suddenly was blessed with the ability to throw heat at hitters.

    Despite not being armed with any off-speed pitches, Rowengartner was a legitimate MVP candidate in Rookie of the Year until another freak accident cut his career short.

    With this alias, Carmona would instantly become a top prospect in all of baseball as a 12-year-old with a blazing fastball. Are you listening scouts?

Nuke LaLoosh

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    A rising prospect in the Durham Bulls minor league system, Nuke LaLoosh had all the tools to make it to the big leagues.

    The only problems that LaLoosh seemed to have was with his maturity and control, but it's nothing that Crash Davis couldn't be brought in to help with.

    R.H.H. would also have a charismatic nickname to go off of and a new battery mate to help show him how to take the next step in the major leagues.

Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez

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    If you don't love Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez, then you don't have a pulse.

    Benny is the type of kid that prospects dream of. He could hit. He could field. He could play anywhere on the diamond. However, his greatest quality was his speed.

    Could R.H.H. be able to out-run The Beast? I doubt it. Come to think of it, he's not a great hitter either (as his 0-for-14 career batting stats show), but maybe we can make an exception for arm speed.

    This is a bit of a reach, but Benny "The Jet" could return to the Major Leagues if R.H.H. goes this route.

Jim Janos

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    You've probably never heard of Jim Janos, but that's because he was a professional wrestler back in the mid-70's to mid-80's known as Jesse "The Body" Ventura.

    Adopting the real name of the former governor of Minnesota would do wonders for R.H.H.'s post-baseball activities.

    He could work his way into politics and become the governor of Ohio. He could also embark on a professional wrestling career, since they seem to have little-to-no young talent in the WWE's system. (Or at least talent that they want to push...)

    Jim Janos seems like a perfect name to live a life outside of baseball.

LeBron James

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    There are plenty of options for R.H.H. if he decides to change his name to LeBron James.

    First, it would give the folks in Cleveland a sigh of relief that they actually did keep LeBron in their home state.

    Second, I'm sure he could get a deal with Nike to put a giant "Witness" mural on one of the buildings in downtown Cleveland once again.

    Finally, he could really push this into the mainstream and have a one-hour special on ESPN where he reveals his new alias.

    Changing his name to LeBron James would be a crowd pleaser for everybody involved.

Justin Verlander

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    If you can't beat 'em, take their name. That would be the philosophy of changing your name to Justin Verlander.

    Think about it, R.H.H. would be known more for greatness rather than the fact he's a decent pitcher in Cleveland.

    However, there are multiple cons to this situation. The first being Verlander probably wouldn't be happy with somebody else using his name.

    There would also be that awkward moment during everyone's fantasy baseball draft where someone selects Verlander and some one in your league blurts out "Which one?" (It's like the Adrian Peterson situation a couple years ago).

    On second thought, maybe this isn't the best name choice for R.H.H.

Leo Nunez

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    Hey, it's not like it isn't available...

    Leo Nunez is actually Juan Carlos Oviedo, but I'm not thinking about how this would benefit R.H.H. I'm thinking of this in terms of how this would effect the real Leo Nunez.

    Here's the deal. The reason R.H.H. was found using a false identity was that he stopped making payments to the real Fausto Carmona in the Dominican Republc after the Indians picked up a $7 million option on him in the offseason.

    Now that both Nunez and Carmona don't have that steady flow of cash coming in, they're going to need it from somewhere. That's where R.H.H. and possibly many other Major League hopefuls in the Dominican come in.

    Carmona could offer his naming rights similar to what corporations have done to professional sports stadiums. Carmona could sell his name to the highest bidder and then reap the benefits of exposure and money as the payments keep rolling in.

    It would be a beautiful marketing system for anybody who's a little low on cash in the Dominican Republic.

Rick Vaughn

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    To be honest, there was no way we were going to get out of this article without a Major League reference.

    R.H.H. could be the next Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn under a couple conditions. One, he'd have to revert back to his 2007 and 2008 form when he walked 5.1 batters per nine innings.

    Two, Harry Doyle would have to be rehired by the Indians for the sole purpose of saying "Just a bit outside!" on every wild pitch.

    Three, he would have to spend some jail time before next Mexico. That way if he reported to Spring Training in an orange jumpsuit we will have known that R.H.H. has indeed embraced the power of the "WIld Thing."