Zombie-like Lakers Lose Again on the Road

Against the Orlando Magic, the Lakers looked like zombies in purple-and-gold uniforms. In just 16 games, the Lakers have become the walking dead of the NBA.

Are they dead-legged or simply dead for the season? Only time will tell.

It is sad to see that aging stars Kobe Bryant and Derek Fisher are the only players showing any spark or energy. Pau Gasol looks like he has to be propped up against a wall to keep him awake. And, Metta World Disaster is...a disaster. The bench is woeful, slow and no longer possesses the ability to hit three-pointers.

If the Lakers keep playing like this, Staples will replace "I love L.A." with "The Monster Mash" during timeouts.

Based upon past history, you would think the Lakers bench would shoot more like Annie Oakley than Bart the Sheriff in Blazing Saddles. The Lakers are now the poorest three-point shooting team in the league. They are on a pace to set a new low for three-point shooting percentage for any Lakers team and may even set a new league record for futility before the season is over.

Seven-point quarters? 10-point quarters? Like movie zombies, you can’t tell by their faces whether any of these three-point misses really upset any of them.

Despite being serial three-point flops, the team keeps right on shooting three-pointers like those pesky zombies in old movies that keep right on walking after they’ve been shoot 10 times.

Throughout the dismal first half of the Lakers' game, I kept asking myself, "If I turn the color off, will it look like black-and-white footage of a 1950s NBA game?" I even tried pushing the first setting on my TiVo fast-forward button. But the game still looked in "slow mo."

At one point, the teams exchanged misses for about two minutes. You could almost hear the players grumbling, "See, I can miss too!"

66 games in 100 days sounds like a rock-band tour, not an NBA season. This NBA season may end up setting records for futility before it’s over. And from what I have seen, the Lakers are the leaders of the pack. It is hard for the Lakers to decide whether they are going to lead the league in missed three-pointers or lead the league in turnovers this season.

Do you think that movie zombies think about missed three-point attempts?