The 2012 NHL All-Star game drops the puck on January 29th in Ottawa this year. If you have watched these games, you know how little they resemble an actual NHL hockey game.
Instead, they look like your average pick-up game at the local rink, even though these guys have a lot more skill than the slobs at your rink.
There is no defense, no hitting and none of the intensity that we are used to. Basically, most of the things we love the most about the game.
Scoring, passing, shooting will all be on display, allong with top goalies getting hung out to dry.
Speaking of dry, one way to make the game more fun is to stock up on your favorite adult beverage and play our drinking game.
Here is the Bleacher Report Drinking Game. Please, drink responsibly and have fun. Also, make sure you are of legal drinking age. Don’t make me come over there and ID everyone. If you’re under 25, we ID.
Feel free to add to the drinking game in the comments and Go, um, Team Spezza?
The game will be broadcast by NBC in the United States and by CBC in Canada. Don’t worry, we have you covered.
Take one drink every time:
Mike Emrick uses the phrase “Waffleboard.''
Don Cherry complains that if hitting is taken out of the game, every game will look like the All-Star game.
Pierre McGuire talks about Sidney Crosby (Even though Crosby is sitting this one out, trust us, he will come up).
McGuire says something slightly creepy to a player he’s interviewing.
McGuire says “Thanks for this.”
CBC announcer Jim Hughson says “One-Timer!”
Ron MacLean mentions how much he hates Alex Burrows, or doesn’t hate him. How about one drink if mentions Burrows?
Anytime someone mentions the word “Concussions.”
Ed Olczyk talks about how great the Blackhawks are.
Emrick explains the rules of hockey to the viewer. Off side, icing, etc.
Anytime you suspect you hear a bias against your favorite team.
Every time the CBC staff slobber over Phil Kessel, or any other Maple Leaf, or even mention the Maple Leafs.
Every time an announcer says they feel sorry for the goaltenders.
CBC's Glen Healy complains about something.
Any time Mike Milbury makes you want to strangle a squirrel. Warning, this will occur often.
Take one drink:
For each second the anthem singer holds the last note.
For every save made by the shell-shocked goalies.
Every time someone mentions Jarome Iginla’s 500th goal.
Every time a Sedin takes a dive. (Author's note: As a Canucks fan, it physically hurt to write this.)
Every time Alex Ovechkin dazzles you with an end-to-end rush only to have his shot go wide.
Any time Shea Weber’s slap shot rips a hole in the net.
Every time Carey Price is booed by the Ottawa crowd.
Whenever Pavel Datsyuk does something you can only describe as “Datsyukian”.
If Jonathan Toews smiles.
For every goal scored. You will need a ride home for this one and probably should go ahead and take the next couple days off work.
Every time Zdeno Chara takes a cheap shot at anyone.
If these things occur you are in trouble.
Chug every time:
Mike Milbury insults Europeans, or strangles a small child.
There is an actual body check thrown.
There is a fight.
Either team scores fewer than three goals in a period.
Don Cherry wears a normal suit.
Nickelback plays at any point.
The Vancouver Green Men show up.
Someone from the Flyers or Penguins gets hurt.
Somebody asks, “Are the New Jersey Devils still in the NHL?”
The Sedins switch jerseys between periods, and you can tell.