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2011's Hottest Athlete and the B/R Swagger Awards

Timothy RappFeatured Columnist IVJanuary 4, 2017

2011's Hottest Athlete and the B/R Swagger Awards

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    Get out the confetti, call your friends and start clapping like a giddy schoolgirl now—the 2011 B/R Swagger Awards are here!

    That's right, it's time to designate all of the oddball honors and sexy awards you've been waiting for this year. From hot athletes and WAGs to the Lockout Moment of the Year, we've got everything you might want in an award slideshow covered.

    2011 was a wacky year—let's take it out in true Swagger style.

Divorce of the Year: Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries

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    72 days.

    It was the marriage that didn't last as long as the engagement. It was the divorce that consumed our lives right after the extravagant wedding special did. It was the moment we all realized, "Oh, hey, this is the last we'll see of Kris Humphries, isn't it?"

    It was the divorce of the year.

     

    Also receiving votes: Kobe and Vanessa Bryant

Lockout Moment of the Year: Delonte West Gets a Job

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    Delonte West needed a job during the lockout. So he applied to Regency Furniture and didn't lie when asked if he was convicted of a crime. But when he was asked to specify what that crime was, he only wrote "misunderstanding."

    Classic.

     

    Also receiving votes: Chad Ochocinco rides a bull, Reggie Bush enjoys his time off

Hottest Fan of the Year: Larissa Riquelme

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    She teased us once again.

    Smoking-hot Paraguay soccer fan Larissa Riquelme promised she would pose nude on the field if Paraguay won this year's Copa America tournament, the same promise she made if Paraguay won the World Cup in 2010.

    It seemed a longshot, until Paraguay actually made the final. And then they lost to Uruguay, and a nation—nay, the world—was left asking "What if?"

     

    Also receiving votes: Female fans of college sports. Duh.

Best Reaction of the Year: Blake Griffin Coins "Lob City"

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    When Blake Griffin learned that Chris Paul was being traded to the Clippers, he coined the team's new nickname in his excitement: Lob City!

    We think it's going to be as much fun to watch as it will be for you to play, Blake.

     

    Also receiving votes: Memphis cheerleaders, the handshake seen 'round the world

Most Overused Joke of the Year: Anything Involving LeBron James

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    Why shouldn't you ask LeBron to change a dollar?

    He'll only give you three quarters.

    Why can't LeBron finish his autobiography?

    He's still stuck on the title.

    Why did the wood on LeBron's deck rot?

    He doesn't know how to finish.

     

    Also receiving votes: Anything involving Metta World Peace, anything involving Kris Humphries, anything involving the Dream Team

Interview of the Year: Larry Merchant vs. Floyd Mayweather

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    "I wish I was 50 years younger, and I'd kick your ass."

    Has anything better been said all year?

     

    Also receiving votes: The interview of John Amaechi on "Dan Le Batard is Highly Questionable," seen here and here, Bart Scott can't wait

Fad of the Year: Tebowing

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    Was there ever any doubt this would appear on this slideshow?

     

    Also receiving votes: Athletes planking

Best Commercial of the Year: Arianny Celeste

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    Oh, to be a lime.

     

    Also receiving votes: The Stanford Tree learns how bats are made at ESPN

Name Change of the Year: Metta World Peace

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    Ron Artest is dead. Long live Metta World Peace.

     

    Also receiving votes: Uh, not applicable...

Fan Video of the Year: Flula

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    This is one of the most bizarre, hilarious and bizarre (yes, it needed to be noted a second time) things I saw all year. It was also one of the most wonderful.

     

    Also receiving votes: C'mon, what could compare to this?

Hottest Athlete Daughter of the Year: Paulina Gretzky

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    Paulina Gretzky became everyone's favorite athlete daughter this year after releasing some sexy photos on her Twitter account. Then she deleted her Twitter account. And now it exists once more.

    Alrighty then. As far as we're concerned, Paulina is the next Great One in the family.

     

    Also receiving votes: Alexa Flutie, Angela Rypien, Bianca La Russa

Sports-Related Song of the Year: Mike Tyson Quotes

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    This isn't just one of my favorite sports-related songs of the year; it's one of my favorite songs of the year, period.

    This is what YouTube should be used for, people. Well, this and cat videos.

     

    Also receiving votes: This video got every vote. Or something like that.

Dance of the Year: Kate Upton's Dougie

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    And now, I too want to learn how to Dougie.

    But only if Kate Upton teaches me how.

     

    Also receiving votes: Gary Blair "does" the Dougie

Twitter Account of the Year: Kate Upton

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    If you followed Kate Upton on Twitter this year, you had access to photos like the one above.

    Kate Upton was one of my favorite people in the world this year, in case you hadn't figured that out by now.

     

    Also receiving votes: Paul Bissonnette, Humblebrag, Eric Stangel

Viral Video of the Year: David Bennett

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    Maybe if they had been acting more like Chanticleers in the first place, they wouldn't have to worry about being more like a dog.

    Not even I'm sure what the above sentence actually means.

     

    Also receiving votes: Check out my list of The Coolest Viral Videos in Sports Vol. 1 and Amber Lee's 50 Funniest Sports Moments of 2011 for even more.

Cheerleader of the Year: Kelsi Reich

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    After the above, it was hard to deny Reich of this honor. She's gorgeous and she got a lot of airtime after this gesture from her boyfriend, David Nelson, after all.

     

    Also receiving votes: Alexa Flutie, all of the ladies found here

Lamest Freaking Thing We Saw All Year: Jerome Simpson

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    This is weak sauce on two levels. First of all, that flop by Jerome Simpson is just absurd.

    But let's not overlook the referee either, who wasn't even looking at Simpson when it happened but decided to make the penalty call anyway.

    Simpson, as you might have guessed, makes up for this move in a different category.

     

    Also receiving votes: The Mayweather "sucker punch," the Red Sox and Braves implode down the stretch, Alex Burrows bites a finger

Coolest Freaking Thing We Saw All Year: Jerome Simpson

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    This might be the most athletic thing I've ever seen on a football field. And he stuck the landing, to boot.

    Unbelievable.

     

    Also receiving votes: Too many to list, but none as cool as this

Most Overhyped Female Athlete of the Year: Hope Solo

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    This has nothing to do with Hope Solo's achievements as the goalie for the US Women's National soccer team. She was an instrumental part in the team's inspiring run to the World Cup Final this year.

    This has everything to do with Dancing with the Stars. And ESPN the Magazine's Body Issue. And all of the other hype that made Solo one of the most-hyped athletes of 2011.

    As the cool kids say, I got mad love for you, Hope. But dammit, I am tired of hearing about you.

     

    Also receiving votes: This was a blowout

Most Overhyped Male Athlete of the Year: Tim Tebow

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    If I need to explain this, you are probably on the internet for the first time this year, haven't watched television at all and have a rare condition that prevents you from hearing any words that start with the letter "t."

    For the rest of you, well, I'm tired of hearing about him too.

     

    Also receiving votes: LeBron James

Most Annoying WAG of the Year: Kim Kardashian

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    Please, please, please, please just take a small hiatus from dating athletes for awhile. Honestly, just go for a lawyer or something and give us a break.

     

    Also receiving votes: Nope.

Moment of the Year: Abby Wambach

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    To this day, this moment continues to give me chills. It's a shame they couldn't finish the job and beat Japan in the final, but we'll always have Abby's header.

     

    Others receiving votes: David Freese ties then wins Game 6 in extra innings, Anthony Robles wins a National Championship in wrestling (with one leg)

Hottest WAG of the Year: Irina Shayk

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    When you get the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition and continue to hold down legendary womanizer Cristiano Ronaldo, that's a winner, winner, chicken dinner for you.

     

    Others receiving votes: Kate Upton (if the Mark Sanchez rumors are true), Melissa Molinaro (because she isn't Kim Kardashian)

Craziest Character of the Year: Nyjer Morgan

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    Like him or not, Nyjer Morgan is a character in the ilk of Chad Ochocinco, Brian Wilson and Metta World Peace, all lifetime members of the Crazy Character club.

    So congratulations, Tony Plush (or whatever it is you are calling yourself these days).

     

    Also receiving votes: Blake Griffin (because he is actually funny)

Hottest Athlete of the Year: Caroline Wozniacki

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    I thought long and hard about this, knowing full well this selection would probably be controversial. But here is why I came to this conclusion:

    She was newsworthy: Wozniacki is the top-rated female tennis player in the world. Skill is sexy, and so is relevance. I mean, Maria Sharapova is still really hot, but how relevant was she this year? Hope Solo got too much hype, Alex Morgan isn't quite there yet, Maria Kirilenko only made waves because she is dating Alex Ovechkin and Alicia Sacramone had one photo we all talked about and that was about it.

    She's hot: Obviously.

    We got bikini pictures from her this year: And that's always a plus.

    She actually has a sense of humor: As we learned when she imitated Rafael Nadal's leg cramps—which afflicted him during a press conference and caused him to slump in his chair—at her own press conference during the US Open.

    Seriously, she's hot: Just in case you missed that above.

     

    Others receiving votes: Alana Blanchard, Lindsey Vonn, Josefine Oqvist


    My name is Timothy Rapp, and I put the "grrrr" in Swagger.

    Follow TRappaRT on Twitter

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